Drowning: the inbetween Life and Death Victim survivor - a Mothers story

Yesterday I received a letter via email from another mother, Evelynne(Name changed) who shared with me the most personal details of her five year old daughters drowning in 2012. She has asked me to share it.

I'd like to thank Evelynne for her words and recall of this all too common tragedy in the backyard pool.

Drowning, when reported in the media has usually two outcomes for the general public; Dead or alive.  On many occasions children are in the Intensive Care unit fighting for life and the media never report the 'inbetween' aftermath.

Today my blog post focus' on the "inbetweens". Those victims who have and did drown and/or die,  only to recover (or be revived) and be alive.  However these victims, usually children, now live with disabilites and/or medical conditions that impact on their everyday life and their families.

Hannah's Foundation currently has 17 children aged between two years and 27 years(drowning at 15) who live with a multiple range of many medical conditions and disabilities caused by drowning. Sadly the most severe of the inbetweens will lose their lives to the injuries that were caused by them drowning. The Foundation has supported over 27 families who have had children survive only to die with weeks, months or years afterwards.   These families too matter because most often than not their stories arent told.  Many families just aren't able to tell their stories because its too painful and they live in fear of THAT day that changed their lives.  To all these families our support, hearts and love are with you all.  Evelynne's story is just one of the many drownings that happen every year. 

Evelynne's letter shares the incident in which her daughter drowned before two adults and other children in the pool. A good Level two swimmer, like many young victims, had somehow ended up on the bottom of the pool. It only takes a matter of seconds. Seconds count. The aftermath of a drowning affects everyone. The Parent, The Victim, others around them at the time, Emergency services, Doctors, Nurses and even police and those that are just too overwhelmed at the retelling of the story, its affects a whole community.  Drowning is a community issue that needs to be discussed.

Drowning is fatal. Drowning is living. But drowning too, is living with a life not as before. Life changes.    Just as this family as it does for many. I hope that the messages in Evelynne's letter can help educate on the risks around water, never be reliant on skills of children and always be alert with Supervision. As Evelynne stated in a subsequent email "If I hadn't of done CPR she wouldn't be here". Supervision, Barriers, Swim Skills and CPR save lives. In this case the Supervision and CPR saved a life but its not always like this. CPR is the last resort and Evelynne knows that her daughter was close to death. A drowning is a drowning. There is no who has it worse, who has it better. Whatever the outcome we must all live with the event and manage the guilt/burdens/grief/trauma and days ahead with honour and love from within.

Kat Plint
Founder Hannah's Foundation 

Evelynne's Letter:

Hi Kat,

After reading your blog on the Foundations website yesterday I felt compelled to share my story with you and to thank you for helping others.

In Dec of 2012 my kids and I were visiting a cousin’s house. I had given birth to my third child six days earlier and my older 2 aged nine and five decided they would go for a swim in the pool with their cousins. My Five year old had completed levels 1 & 2 in swimming lessons and she was confident in the water where she could stand. My cousin and I supervised the children, sitting only a metre or so from the pool. I looked down briefly to mix some formula for my newborn. It didn’t seem like i was distracted for long but in those few moments my five year old daughter lost her footing on the pool safety ledge and slipped silently and quickly beneath the water.  While jumping in and out of the pool my nine year old son and his eight year old cousin spotted her on the bottom, they dove to pull her up and surfaced calling my name frantically. She was blue, foaming at the mouth and nose and was lifeless. She wasn’t breathing. The world stood still. I scrambled to find a safe place to put the baby and I then grabbed her lifeless body. I laid her down beside the pool and began to breathe into her mouth doing CPR. After multiple cycles of CPR and compressions my daughter finally took a breath, vomited and opened her eyes.  I will never forget this or the smells.

Her eyes were eerily glassy and I didn’t know if she was going to be ok.  The ambulance officers arrived but her oxygen levels were very low. I had to keep her conscious, but all she wanted to do was close her eyes and go to sleep.  We soon arrived at the hospital where she was admitted. She had fluid and vomit on her lungs and her oxygen levels needed to be monitored as they kept dropping. Somehow though, through the grace of God or whatever powers were looking over us that day.  Whilst no permanent damage is visible there are learning disabilities as she has started school.  These will need support as she grows older and we are thankful that we have our little girl back. 

I, in no way claim to know what you or anyone else who has lost their child to drowning is going through but I do know that the scene of seeing your child like that is one that haunts me every day. I am forever panicking about where my children are, whether the toilet door is open or closed (for fear that my little one will fall in head first and drown), wondering when something else is going to happen, constantly fearing that I will lose a child because I wasn’t attentive enough - just like I wasn’t that day.  Life just doesn’t seem the same. Things that were once fun to do as a family, turn me into a panicking, not so fun mum, worrying about every possible hazard. I feel like I’m suffocating my kids but I don’t know how to stop it. I get frustrated when people don’t seem to understand how urgent the situation was that day and how quickly it all unfolded before us. All they see is that she is here and just can’t understand why I am the way I am. I been told to 'get over it' and that I have to 'move on'. But I can’t. I just can’t. My mind won’t let me.

Thank you for reading my story and understanding it.  Please share my story so that others who live in fear like we do every day can find comfort that they aren’t alone.  Maybe reading my story or others like yours could save lives.  

Kind Regards
Evelynne

Surely it's not that time again?

So it is August. The weather is nearing fine from the coldest winters in Australia and recent storms to our perfect weather of today of sunshine, warmth and the Australian way of life... Spending it near, on or around water. I fear the inevitable now because it's that time again. It is time for drownings. Totally preventable but sadly we will see the latest report out soon saying the sadness of statistics of all those families losses reduced to just numbers on a report page. How depressing.

Drowning and the subject of same has become a way of life. Everytime I take Harry out or his friends on our new farm I'm alert, I'm aware and obsessive (to the point of crazy) that they must stay within my sight and never go near the dams. I have life jackets on cued standby. Our Cattle dog Banjo, who is deaf, loves the water. We venture down to the dam on a walk and Banjo throws himself in it without thinking (after all he is a dog, albeit a deaf one) and gets all muddy, washy and intends on having fun. It's a dogs life afterall. I sit and watch my son and his beloved four legged friend having fun, chasing the ball, Banjo retrieving it and bringing it back for yet another round. Harry has four balls on standby if he loses one. In my mind I sit and ponder, alert as I am that something could go wrong. My heart rate is up, naturally. My son is around water. A natural water feature of mud, murky water and follage. All potential dangers. My mind races as I watch them. I jump at the first sign of the dog getting caught in the follage and breath a huge sigh when Harry says "He's okay mum he just dropped the ball". Hell I'm not dropping mine. My mind is alert, my heart is always in my throat, I'm always talking to Harry and he knows to always talk back and hes within 5m of me and the dams edge. He too is now water alert and on guard. He doesnt go in the water to retrieve the ball, that is what the dog is doing. He intelligently picks up a rock and throws it near a ball that is missing that Banjo can't see. he improvises. I sigh with relief. The dog sees the ball after the rock is thrown. I wonder how many kids would have just 'gone in' and got stuck and drowned. Harry knows better but he'd never be at the dam without either one of us. I sit back and Harry (all of aged 8 and beyond it) talks about those families who have had dam drownings and the messages we advocate. Harry is a little advocate with a soft heart and he gets upset when he speaks of those kids he knows so fondly. He tells me how he feels about loss and the loss of his sister and how he wishes it was different. Harry was only 17 months old when Hannah died. He doesn't remember her which breaks all our hearts.

We walk back to the house and another day ends with dinner and a tired out deaf cattle dog. All ready to do it again tomorrow.

This is just one day, in our life as a family who has suffered a drowning, trying to live normally. Next it is swimming lessons privately with Di, swim lessons at school where I also volunteer to give the kids more one on one time and the education about breath holding and its dangers, the diving into shallow waters, talking to teens about drugs/alcohol and swimming at the same time, looking out for your mates and community events and speaking. Its warmer weather again and we are becoming very busy. I feel exhausted just looking at the calender. Its nearing October 4th, the anniversary is a dreaded, awful time ahead. It is yet another number in our life. This year the numbers are seven and ten. Seven years since Hannah died and her tenth birthday in December. Another life robbed life.

At a friends house I go into another meltdown and my heart is in my throat when the mop bucket is in the kitchen and her toddler is in the tv room. Another potential tragedy waiting to happen, so I just empty it. My friend is "Kat's lost the plot again". Its a common saying by many of my friends but until attitudes change nothing will change in the statistics. Drowning can happen to anyone not just those with dams or pools or those that fail to empty the mop bucket. We must, as parents be alert. If we care for children we also must be alert. Eyes on all the time, never faultering to a book, a text, facebook or having a nap. Water kills. Water is dangerous. It's time to get serious about how to save lives. My heart beats are overwhelming at times to the point I cannot speak (I'm sure many would love the silence). I am fearful of what the warmer weathers will bring. After all its what we do as advocates.

So I challenge anyone who reads this to think and ask themselves "How will I change my ways about water and children?"

How many of you have answered the phone when the kids are being bathed? Left the children alone to make dinner? Grab a towel? Walked inside to get something and left the kids alone in the pool or the backyard? Not fenced the house off from the dam? Propped open the pool gate? or removed a panel of your pool fence to fix it only to leave it til tomorrow? or left your little one in the care of an older sibling? If anyone says "shit.... I've done that" Take note. My life could be yours. My crime was not supervising Hannah on the verandah of our house, where she had clear access to a chair and our pool fence whilst changing the nappy of our son Harry. The rest is historically painful. Drowning only takes a split second and it takes 30 seconds to drown and to lose brain function. A whole two minutes is what it takes to die. Forever. Gone. No second chance.

Life is about choices and actions. As Parents, our actions are contributory to safety and we must all be alert, be wise and be on guard, always thinking about safety. It is not just about water either. Cars in driveways, televisions or cupboards falling over, hot water in the kitchen, blind cords, window screens the house hold list goes on for the potentional dangers that can kill our children.

I urge everyone, every parent and carer to always be safe because life is too precious. I am dreading this warmer weather because of what I know, what I have seen and what I can forsee coming. I hate the latter. I want to prevent it. So does our son, so does every family ever touched by tragedy.

Please Supervise children always, never leave them alone, never prop open the pool gate, never leave them in the bath, never swim in murky waters without a life jacket, empty the mop bucket, teach kids about water and the dangers, yes by all means teach them to swim but remember SWIMMERS DO DROWN, SWIMMERS CAN DROWN and learn CPR, whilst its the last end of life saving its something. I just pray as a parent that no other parent ever has to try and revive their child after two minutes in a cold pool. No parent should lose a child. EVER.

Kat Plint
Advocate and Mother of Five