Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Monday, August 18, 2014
Surely it's not that time again?
So it is August. The weather is nearing fine from the coldest winters in Australia and recent storms to our perfect weather of today of sunshine, warmth and the Australian way of life... Spending it near, on or around water. I fear the inevitable now because it's that time again. It is time for drownings. Totally preventable but sadly we will see the latest report out soon saying the sadness of statistics of all those families losses reduced to just numbers on a report page. How depressing.
Drowning and the subject of same has become a way of life. Everytime I take Harry out or his friends on our new farm I'm alert, I'm aware and obsessive (to the point of crazy) that they must stay within my sight and never go near the dams. I have life jackets on cued standby. Our Cattle dog Banjo, who is deaf, loves the water. We venture down to the dam on a walk and Banjo throws himself in it without thinking (after all he is a dog, albeit a deaf one) and gets all muddy, washy and intends on having fun. It's a dogs life afterall. I sit and watch my son and his beloved four legged friend having fun, chasing the ball, Banjo retrieving it and bringing it back for yet another round. Harry has four balls on standby if he loses one. In my mind I sit and ponder, alert as I am that something could go wrong. My heart rate is up, naturally. My son is around water. A natural water feature of mud, murky water and follage. All potential dangers. My mind races as I watch them. I jump at the first sign of the dog getting caught in the follage and breath a huge sigh when Harry says "He's okay mum he just dropped the ball". Hell I'm not dropping mine. My mind is alert, my heart is always in my throat, I'm always talking to Harry and he knows to always talk back and hes within 5m of me and the dams edge. He too is now water alert and on guard. He doesnt go in the water to retrieve the ball, that is what the dog is doing. He intelligently picks up a rock and throws it near a ball that is missing that Banjo can't see. he improvises. I sigh with relief. The dog sees the ball after the rock is thrown. I wonder how many kids would have just 'gone in' and got stuck and drowned. Harry knows better but he'd never be at the dam without either one of us. I sit back and Harry (all of aged 8 and beyond it) talks about those families who have had dam drownings and the messages we advocate. Harry is a little advocate with a soft heart and he gets upset when he speaks of those kids he knows so fondly. He tells me how he feels about loss and the loss of his sister and how he wishes it was different. Harry was only 17 months old when Hannah died. He doesn't remember her which breaks all our hearts.
We walk back to the house and another day ends with dinner and a tired out deaf cattle dog. All ready to do it again tomorrow.
This is just one day, in our life as a family who has suffered a drowning, trying to live normally. Next it is swimming lessons privately with Di, swim lessons at school where I also volunteer to give the kids more one on one time and the education about breath holding and its dangers, the diving into shallow waters, talking to teens about drugs/alcohol and swimming at the same time, looking out for your mates and community events and speaking. Its warmer weather again and we are becoming very busy. I feel exhausted just looking at the calender. Its nearing October 4th, the anniversary is a dreaded, awful time ahead. It is yet another number in our life. This year the numbers are seven and ten. Seven years since Hannah died and her tenth birthday in December. Another life robbed life.
At a friends house I go into another meltdown and my heart is in my throat when the mop bucket is in the kitchen and her toddler is in the tv room. Another potential tragedy waiting to happen, so I just empty it. My friend is "Kat's lost the plot again". Its a common saying by many of my friends but until attitudes change nothing will change in the statistics. Drowning can happen to anyone not just those with dams or pools or those that fail to empty the mop bucket. We must, as parents be alert. If we care for children we also must be alert. Eyes on all the time, never faultering to a book, a text, facebook or having a nap. Water kills. Water is dangerous. It's time to get serious about how to save lives. My heart beats are overwhelming at times to the point I cannot speak (I'm sure many would love the silence). I am fearful of what the warmer weathers will bring. After all its what we do as advocates.
So I challenge anyone who reads this to think and ask themselves "How will I change my ways about water and children?"
How many of you have answered the phone when the kids are being bathed? Left the children alone to make dinner? Grab a towel? Walked inside to get something and left the kids alone in the pool or the backyard? Not fenced the house off from the dam? Propped open the pool gate? or removed a panel of your pool fence to fix it only to leave it til tomorrow? or left your little one in the care of an older sibling? If anyone says "shit.... I've done that" Take note. My life could be yours. My crime was not supervising Hannah on the verandah of our house, where she had clear access to a chair and our pool fence whilst changing the nappy of our son Harry. The rest is historically painful. Drowning only takes a split second and it takes 30 seconds to drown and to lose brain function. A whole two minutes is what it takes to die. Forever. Gone. No second chance.
Life is about choices and actions. As Parents, our actions are contributory to safety and we must all be alert, be wise and be on guard, always thinking about safety. It is not just about water either. Cars in driveways, televisions or cupboards falling over, hot water in the kitchen, blind cords, window screens the house hold list goes on for the potentional dangers that can kill our children.
I urge everyone, every parent and carer to always be safe because life is too precious. I am dreading this warmer weather because of what I know, what I have seen and what I can forsee coming. I hate the latter. I want to prevent it. So does our son, so does every family ever touched by tragedy.
Please Supervise children always, never leave them alone, never prop open the pool gate, never leave them in the bath, never swim in murky waters without a life jacket, empty the mop bucket, teach kids about water and the dangers, yes by all means teach them to swim but remember SWIMMERS DO DROWN, SWIMMERS CAN DROWN and learn CPR, whilst its the last end of life saving its something. I just pray as a parent that no other parent ever has to try and revive their child after two minutes in a cold pool. No parent should lose a child. EVER.
Kat Plint
Advocate and Mother of Five
Friday, October 26, 2012
Think about this.... This story could be you, your friend, your neighbour
WARNING: This entry of my blog comes with a WARNING that it could be distressing to some readers. Please be cautious of its content about Child drowning.
If Australia is to get serious about drowning prevention as opposed to water safety we need to get back to the basics.
Supervision and barriers together will save lives.
Over the past five years having become a Water Safety Advocate not by choice, but by fate, through losing my own child through drowning the research I have been able to undertake in Coroner's Court, Public Awareness Campaigns, speaking to parents and general research has really raised my own opinion on how drownings happen.
Scenario:
A young toddler aged two fully clothed, shoes and socks enters a backyard through an open door which an older sibling has just come home through, through the laundry at his house, mum is currently in the kitchen making a sandwich, the toddler is exploring his surroundings. The toddler comes across something in the backyard. The toddler is approximately 60 cm away from a broken pool fence panel. The mother is unaware that the pool fence is broken. The toddler since the age of six months of age has been attending water familiarisation programs at his local swim school with mum once a week. Every Friday, religiously mum packs up the family car, the swim bag and heads off the fun and play in key games in the pool. Mum believes she is teaching her toddler about water safety. Only last week this toddler sitting in his swim nappy, and his goggles and swim cap was sitting on the side of the Pool. Upon a cued song with others around them this toddler then jumped into the water. Kicking and propelling himself into mum’s arms then with mum's instruction and again on cue from the instructor he then propels himself back to the side of the pool and then smiles and claps at his achievement. This is where last week's lesson will go horribly wrong.
The toddler is now at the pool fence with a gap of more than 10 cm he is able to fit through the bottom corner. It's only been 15 seconds since the toddler was out of mum sight. The next 20 will leave this family shattered forever.
As the toddler adventures through the cleared landscaping now heading for the water the lessons of last week will not kick in. The toddler is wearing a jacket, a T-shirt, a singlet, and nappy, a pair of corduroy jeans, shoes and socks. The toddler is now on his knees looking at the water. Most if not all toddlers at this stage will explore their environment this is what toddlers do best. The toddler sees a leaf in the water and his ball across in the middle of the pool. The toddler has now reached out with his hands. The next 20 seconds are the most crucial. There is silence still, no splashing, no screaming, nothing, not a sound. He is now fighting for life but in sheer silence.
Mum is now calling bub's name she can't hear him and she can't see him. there is 360 degrees from where mum is standing, which degree does she travel?
Thinking the pool is fenced there is no danger. Mum then ventures around the side of the house, the toddler is nowhere to be seen. Mum walks past(still not in panic) the edge of the pool and notices something in the water that is unusual as she walks close eye she notices it's actually her child. As she runs in a panic to the pool gate she realises the key is on the fridge in the kitchen she is unable to climb the gate not knowing how her child at this stage had entered the pool area mum is screaming and neighbours come running. One neighbour jumps the back fence into the pool area and grabs her son out of the pool. In a clear panic the neighbours start CPR by this time 3 min as already passed. Mum is now constantly screaming in a panic she is unable to move she is frozen with emotion and shock. Bystanders from neighbours assist the mother and trial and called 000.
This scenario is all too often happening in backyard swimming pools, Lakes, creeks and dams yet we are told that swimming lessons save lives. So what went wrong?
I’d like to give you my opinion and this has never changed in five years, I’ve written often on this very issue.
There are many factors that contribute to a drowning and they are never in isolation from each other.
1. supervision breakdown,
2. barrier breakdown,
3. breakdown in swimming skills or the ability to self rescue and survive, and
4. that CPR was unsuccessful. (And please when I say unsuccessful that does not mean failure. The fact that CPR was actioned, The fact that CPR was continuous is what you are meant to do. The fact that 000 was called and instructions were obtained. The fact is that CPR was administered by the local hospital as well as intubation and medications in a desperate attempt to save this young boy's life all were unsuccessful. No one failed CPR. CPR is the last line of defence in saving lives. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. More often than not in a drowning it will not.)
So what could have prevented this from happening?
We know that this young toddler had the skills to propel himself in the water, we know that he could turn around and reach the side of the pool, we know that he could hold his breath under water and turn around and again could reached the side of the pool and we also know that he could jump into the water willingly without fear. We also know that he was cued with instructions to do these very tasks. His lessons were fun, they were controlled, they were in a warm heated environment, yet when he drowned he was not cued, he had no one to tell him what to do, he could not he could not remember the action, and the water temperature was not heated. How tragic that his skills that he had only learnt last week had not been able to assist him. His mother wants to know why?
The pool barrier had not been maintained. Both parents work full time, rent the house, have three children, are regularly in the backyard, and were unaware that the bottom end of the back gate along the boundary fence had not been maintained. Again, the pool fence had not been checked the sometime either by them, their landlord, the agent or their council. How tragic that this could happen. Laws exist to ensure Pools comply for safety.
Supervision we all know is needed for young children. Homes, roads, shopping centres, parks, animal nurseries, anywhere where a young child resides, plays, or visits is a dangerous place. There are stories about dangerous laundries, bathrooms, lounge rooms, TVs, display cabinets, driveways the list goes on that can potentially be dangerous to children. Supervision is crucial in preventing accidents and injuries and also is the main first line of defence when preventing accidents and injury.
Many in the community would read the above story and would have instantly blamed the mother. I disagree, but then I am this mum too. The solid backup (second set of eyes) that mum needed on that day was a sound maintained and compliant pool fence could have prevented tragedy. It too failed. Its a proven, testified fact that over 85% of pool fences in Australia DO NOT COMPLY with safety standards. How bloody tragic!
Sadly I see this all the time too often in fact, it breaks my heart over again. Today, again we have those in the swimming industry saying learn to swim it'll save your life yet reading the above it tells a different story. It’s all we see in coroners court is the story above and never once have I witnessed nor undertaken the line of questioning of “why didn’t the skills kick in”.
If only the pool fence had been fixed, if it had of been known that it was broken the parents would have fixed it, if regular checks were in place, if the laws were in place to mandate that rental properties had compulsory pool fencing may be this tragedy could have been prevented.
The above scenario is WHY we have pool fencing laws and this is why there should be a mandatory inspection regime with professionals to check your pool fence. I urge every parent of a toddler with a pool to organise now a Pool Safety with a license professional who can certify your pool fence and issue you a pool safety certificate, anything less is not good enough.
I see too many of these scenarios in evidence briefs for a coronial inquest, please don’t let this happen to you. If you read this and ignore it you too could be living this mother’s life. A life of self- blame, public condemnation and suffering. PREVENTION and SUPERVISION and a COMPLIANT barrier are the only two steps to save a young child's life in any circumstance.
Rental properties, nationally equate to over 76% of all backyard pool drownings. This statistic is researched by Hannah's Foundation and was first calculated in 2009 after a cluster of drownings. I urge anyone who is a landlord, tenant or agent to read this and act immediately. Do an audit on your pools and check that they are compliant and maintained always.
Kat Plint
26th October 2012
please help our campaigns and donate here, as a registered charity we are not government funded and we do need your help urgently.
Donate to help our Campaigns
If Australia is to get serious about drowning prevention as opposed to water safety we need to get back to the basics.
Supervision and barriers together will save lives.
Over the past five years having become a Water Safety Advocate not by choice, but by fate, through losing my own child through drowning the research I have been able to undertake in Coroner's Court, Public Awareness Campaigns, speaking to parents and general research has really raised my own opinion on how drownings happen.
Scenario:
A young toddler aged two fully clothed, shoes and socks enters a backyard through an open door which an older sibling has just come home through, through the laundry at his house, mum is currently in the kitchen making a sandwich, the toddler is exploring his surroundings. The toddler comes across something in the backyard. The toddler is approximately 60 cm away from a broken pool fence panel. The mother is unaware that the pool fence is broken. The toddler since the age of six months of age has been attending water familiarisation programs at his local swim school with mum once a week. Every Friday, religiously mum packs up the family car, the swim bag and heads off the fun and play in key games in the pool. Mum believes she is teaching her toddler about water safety. Only last week this toddler sitting in his swim nappy, and his goggles and swim cap was sitting on the side of the Pool. Upon a cued song with others around them this toddler then jumped into the water. Kicking and propelling himself into mum’s arms then with mum's instruction and again on cue from the instructor he then propels himself back to the side of the pool and then smiles and claps at his achievement. This is where last week's lesson will go horribly wrong.
The toddler is now at the pool fence with a gap of more than 10 cm he is able to fit through the bottom corner. It's only been 15 seconds since the toddler was out of mum sight. The next 20 will leave this family shattered forever.
As the toddler adventures through the cleared landscaping now heading for the water the lessons of last week will not kick in. The toddler is wearing a jacket, a T-shirt, a singlet, and nappy, a pair of corduroy jeans, shoes and socks. The toddler is now on his knees looking at the water. Most if not all toddlers at this stage will explore their environment this is what toddlers do best. The toddler sees a leaf in the water and his ball across in the middle of the pool. The toddler has now reached out with his hands. The next 20 seconds are the most crucial. There is silence still, no splashing, no screaming, nothing, not a sound. He is now fighting for life but in sheer silence.
Mum is now calling bub's name she can't hear him and she can't see him. there is 360 degrees from where mum is standing, which degree does she travel?
Thinking the pool is fenced there is no danger. Mum then ventures around the side of the house, the toddler is nowhere to be seen. Mum walks past(still not in panic) the edge of the pool and notices something in the water that is unusual as she walks close eye she notices it's actually her child. As she runs in a panic to the pool gate she realises the key is on the fridge in the kitchen she is unable to climb the gate not knowing how her child at this stage had entered the pool area mum is screaming and neighbours come running. One neighbour jumps the back fence into the pool area and grabs her son out of the pool. In a clear panic the neighbours start CPR by this time 3 min as already passed. Mum is now constantly screaming in a panic she is unable to move she is frozen with emotion and shock. Bystanders from neighbours assist the mother and trial and called 000.
This scenario is all too often happening in backyard swimming pools, Lakes, creeks and dams yet we are told that swimming lessons save lives. So what went wrong?
I’d like to give you my opinion and this has never changed in five years, I’ve written often on this very issue.
There are many factors that contribute to a drowning and they are never in isolation from each other.
1. supervision breakdown,
2. barrier breakdown,
3. breakdown in swimming skills or the ability to self rescue and survive, and
4. that CPR was unsuccessful. (And please when I say unsuccessful that does not mean failure. The fact that CPR was actioned, The fact that CPR was continuous is what you are meant to do. The fact that 000 was called and instructions were obtained. The fact is that CPR was administered by the local hospital as well as intubation and medications in a desperate attempt to save this young boy's life all were unsuccessful. No one failed CPR. CPR is the last line of defence in saving lives. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. More often than not in a drowning it will not.)
So what could have prevented this from happening?
We know that this young toddler had the skills to propel himself in the water, we know that he could turn around and reach the side of the pool, we know that he could hold his breath under water and turn around and again could reached the side of the pool and we also know that he could jump into the water willingly without fear. We also know that he was cued with instructions to do these very tasks. His lessons were fun, they were controlled, they were in a warm heated environment, yet when he drowned he was not cued, he had no one to tell him what to do, he could not he could not remember the action, and the water temperature was not heated. How tragic that his skills that he had only learnt last week had not been able to assist him. His mother wants to know why?
The pool barrier had not been maintained. Both parents work full time, rent the house, have three children, are regularly in the backyard, and were unaware that the bottom end of the back gate along the boundary fence had not been maintained. Again, the pool fence had not been checked the sometime either by them, their landlord, the agent or their council. How tragic that this could happen. Laws exist to ensure Pools comply for safety.
Supervision we all know is needed for young children. Homes, roads, shopping centres, parks, animal nurseries, anywhere where a young child resides, plays, or visits is a dangerous place. There are stories about dangerous laundries, bathrooms, lounge rooms, TVs, display cabinets, driveways the list goes on that can potentially be dangerous to children. Supervision is crucial in preventing accidents and injuries and also is the main first line of defence when preventing accidents and injury.
Many in the community would read the above story and would have instantly blamed the mother. I disagree, but then I am this mum too. The solid backup (second set of eyes) that mum needed on that day was a sound maintained and compliant pool fence could have prevented tragedy. It too failed. Its a proven, testified fact that over 85% of pool fences in Australia DO NOT COMPLY with safety standards. How bloody tragic!
Sadly I see this all the time too often in fact, it breaks my heart over again. Today, again we have those in the swimming industry saying learn to swim it'll save your life yet reading the above it tells a different story. It’s all we see in coroners court is the story above and never once have I witnessed nor undertaken the line of questioning of “why didn’t the skills kick in”.
If only the pool fence had been fixed, if it had of been known that it was broken the parents would have fixed it, if regular checks were in place, if the laws were in place to mandate that rental properties had compulsory pool fencing may be this tragedy could have been prevented.
The above scenario is WHY we have pool fencing laws and this is why there should be a mandatory inspection regime with professionals to check your pool fence. I urge every parent of a toddler with a pool to organise now a Pool Safety with a license professional who can certify your pool fence and issue you a pool safety certificate, anything less is not good enough.
I see too many of these scenarios in evidence briefs for a coronial inquest, please don’t let this happen to you. If you read this and ignore it you too could be living this mother’s life. A life of self- blame, public condemnation and suffering. PREVENTION and SUPERVISION and a COMPLIANT barrier are the only two steps to save a young child's life in any circumstance.
Rental properties, nationally equate to over 76% of all backyard pool drownings. This statistic is researched by Hannah's Foundation and was first calculated in 2009 after a cluster of drownings. I urge anyone who is a landlord, tenant or agent to read this and act immediately. Do an audit on your pools and check that they are compliant and maintained always.
Kat Plint
26th October 2012
please help our campaigns and donate here, as a registered charity we are not government funded and we do need your help urgently.
Donate to help our Campaigns
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The choice that changed our lives
When Hannah died we were angry, we wanted answers and no one could provide them to us. In Australia your pool has to be compliant to the Pool legislation in your state. Sadly our house that was recently purchased was not compliant nor was it registered with our council. The owner builder had not fulfilled his legal obligation nor did he disclose it to us on our sales contract. He is not accountable for his actions which still, today makes me so wild and enraged with anger towards him and his wife. He testified in court at Hannah's Coronial inquest that he didn't know but he had done the course to be an owner builder and his wife just blamed me outright for not being responsible and she would not accept any responsibility for the illegal that they BUILT.
In October 2007, we went searching for answers. The answers we did receive are related to the above paragraph and the journey that followed shed a lot of tears and further heartache.
In November 2007, the overwhelming burden of the police investigation, allegations of Hannah's death not being an accident, negative support from both family, friends and so called 'online forums' met with the desperation of me ending my pain and torment. I blame myself everyday still today as I write this IT WAS MY SUPERVISION AND MY FAILURE TO DO THAT that cost Hannah her life. No one in this world could ever blame me, attack me or ridicule me as much as do myself. On the 27th November 2007 I attempted my life with a mixed cocktail of Antidepressants and whatever I could find and the bottle of booze in the cupboard. No one knew, no one in the house realised what had happened or what I was doing during that whole day. They too were consumed by their own grief. This is how I was trying to cope. The attempt to numb it and to end my own life has gutted me on occasions that I had again "failed".
That night I had written the ending note of my life, it was hard to read back after much time in a Mental Hospital. My husband Andrew found me in the bathroom and my daughter Jordan remembers me on the bed telling them to all leave me alone and saying " i just wanted to die'. Hearing her say this hurts me and the pain she still feels is nothing I can ever take back. I honestly thought at the time that my family would have been better off without me. I cant fix their hurt, I cant put a band aid on their pain and help them through it. I can now only be here for them to listen and understand their pain.
Being in ICU was a very horrible experience, I had watched my daughter in the NICU as a baby and my other children when they were born but I had never been in ICU myself until that horrible night. The doctors had advised Andrew that Breathing support was beneficial as there was a strong chance I could choke or drown in my own vomit and they wanted to avoided that. so for two days and many hours later my family, my husband and friends were hoping that I would wake up.
I have no idea or comprehension of what My husband Andrew saw in me that night or the pain he suffered in making that decision. He knew of my stance on DNR and life support as he is my POA but he did what he did because he loved me. I am very grateful that he chose this as the advocacy journey would not be our life changing choice if he hadn't. Life is all about choices and we have to accept them.
The Doctor at the hospital put me on a Mental Health Order - I was imprisoned so to speak to hospital treatment for my suicide attempt, the depression and grief. Ive come to realise that no matter how many pills, injections the doctors give you the pain doesn't subside. for me it was a mask. That mask was not me, it was not my personality and I changed to someone that I hated.
December 2007, we hit the first hurdle of the Firsts list. the first birthday, the first mothers day were coming, so for December 10 I was in hospital and I was begging to go home and spend the day at the cemetery to visit our little princess. The fight in the hospital was awful and I would never suggest this path of choice to anyone. My Psychiatrist wouldn't let me go, he hadn't seen a positive change in me since I was admitted to the private facility and he wanted me to make a choice. A choice that would change my life, that of my whole family.
With my medical care team had forced me into making the choice of doing something RIGHT. Something positive for myself and for Hannah. Having studied Psychology and Education and working in the very field that I tried to kill myself with all my challenges hit me like tornado. It was awful being on the end of all the strategies that I had previously given to others. This was nothing more than my own karma coming to bite me really hard and where it hurt, In my heart. I don't like getting my own medicine, Who does? but this medicine or therapy as it is called was the calling, kick up the butt I needed.
My mind was racing at one thousand miles an hour and I had so many ideas during that time I seriously was going 'around the twist'. Not to mention that I had started hearing voices which sent me crazy. I found myself arguing and fighting my feelings of anger and love. You know that monkey on the back saying I had that problem. I hate the world for taking my daughter and hurting me and my whole family. The lack of support and trying to find people who were living this nightmare proved a downright failure and those that I did find were too "far forward into their own grief and tragedy" and had somehow, to me moved on, it was like they had forgotten those initial shock traumas or they didn't want to confront them. My anger and frustration at not being able to find a support group made me more determined to find one. I was severely disappointed that our country, Australia, surrounded by water, had over 300 drownings every year had NOTHING, ZIP, ZERO, nothing. How could this be? Why was is so?
The stigma to drowning is negative it apparently selects people and doesn't happen to those well for those who live this journey of grief and being the parent of a child who drowned, as opposed to a parent of a drowned child. I don't like the latter term for the reasons that it implies that WE DID IT. We didn't drown our children, although we are aware that parents who do, do this are criminals, we are not criminals. So in any interview you will never hear me say "I am the parent of a drowned child". This also travels back to the day after Hannah died, the newspaper here where we live had the Newspaper LAIDLEY TODDLER DROWNED. This implied to the public who did not know us that our daughter was killed and by those at home. It just implied the wrong message. What the title should have read could have been (pause of thought), well the topic just shouldn't have been printed! the newspaper caused more distress to our family during that first week and I have never forgiven the journalist for the insensitive reporting and the editor fro being so contemptuous towards my other children. Sadly the journalist has never change her position of the way she writes her stories on this very topic and well lets just say "she crossed the wrong mother who never really has the greatest of days".
In December 2007 I was still in hospital and I cant recall how it happened but we met a lovely journalist for the Courier Mail who had heard of our plight and wanted to tell Hannah's Story and aided us in getting Hannah's Foundation off the ground. To Robyn Ironside of the Courier Mail Queensland we are forever indebted to you for your compassion, empathy and your own passion for our very cause. The reception that we received from people was both negative and positive but mainly we achieved contact from OTHER FAMILIES who lived this incredible, indescribable loss and pain.
SO the stigma to drowning and that of being a parent of a child who drowned was just ONE choice that I made to make a difference. In two years, many of the Foundations families have spoken publicly of their grief in order to help others understand the pain that we feel that is attached to this very 'stigma'. Many families have experienced the same 'incidents', the lack of supervision and the breakdown of same, the non compliant fence and the tragedies are the same. The parents lost a child. We are so very blessed to have met these other parents and their families, come to love them and assist them with whatever service they need.
the Concept of Hannah's Foundation was my leave pass out of hospital. It is, what I now call as my 'life saver', or 'life changer'. January 2008 saw the birth of the topics we wanted to cover, what we wanted to changed. Setting up a charity wasn't easy and I have lost count at the continual amount of times that I cried, lost the plot on the phone to people in government who just thought we were two crazy people on a crusade.
For the next 4 months I would argue, fight and push my way into government offices and the telephone bill was over $900 at home, we couldn't jump over it. The foundation needed its own telephone line so I did that and we know have that separation. the home phone doesn't work thanks to the provider we get incoming but we cant call out and when we do I lose the Internet and the foundation NEEDS the Internet to keep in touch with the world and our families.
In March 2008 we launched the foundation and raised $700 dollars from the events, the following year the same event raise over $9k. Next year, well let us just wait and see. This also saw the month of a personal decision and relationship decision that would create further heartache. That choice was IVF. I was still on my mental medication and the weight gain had increased by about 22kg. Within two weeks I had come off my meds, lost nearly 10kg which concerned doctors then we hit the IVF journey as well. We were crazy!
As I write this blog entry we have not succeeded in IVF over eight cycles, some say its meant to be but I believe that maybe the timing wasnt right for us or we have a baby in front of us and didnt realise it, its not a physical baby but as Hannah always wanted to do in her life was to save 'babies as a doctor'. So Hannah your foundation is the doctor and yes you are saving babies. The foundation is our baby we just have to nurture it and fight for it unlike a normal child.
In October 2007, we went searching for answers. The answers we did receive are related to the above paragraph and the journey that followed shed a lot of tears and further heartache.
In November 2007, the overwhelming burden of the police investigation, allegations of Hannah's death not being an accident, negative support from both family, friends and so called 'online forums' met with the desperation of me ending my pain and torment. I blame myself everyday still today as I write this IT WAS MY SUPERVISION AND MY FAILURE TO DO THAT that cost Hannah her life. No one in this world could ever blame me, attack me or ridicule me as much as do myself. On the 27th November 2007 I attempted my life with a mixed cocktail of Antidepressants and whatever I could find and the bottle of booze in the cupboard. No one knew, no one in the house realised what had happened or what I was doing during that whole day. They too were consumed by their own grief. This is how I was trying to cope. The attempt to numb it and to end my own life has gutted me on occasions that I had again "failed".
That night I had written the ending note of my life, it was hard to read back after much time in a Mental Hospital. My husband Andrew found me in the bathroom and my daughter Jordan remembers me on the bed telling them to all leave me alone and saying " i just wanted to die'. Hearing her say this hurts me and the pain she still feels is nothing I can ever take back. I honestly thought at the time that my family would have been better off without me. I cant fix their hurt, I cant put a band aid on their pain and help them through it. I can now only be here for them to listen and understand their pain.
Being in ICU was a very horrible experience, I had watched my daughter in the NICU as a baby and my other children when they were born but I had never been in ICU myself until that horrible night. The doctors had advised Andrew that Breathing support was beneficial as there was a strong chance I could choke or drown in my own vomit and they wanted to avoided that. so for two days and many hours later my family, my husband and friends were hoping that I would wake up.
I have no idea or comprehension of what My husband Andrew saw in me that night or the pain he suffered in making that decision. He knew of my stance on DNR and life support as he is my POA but he did what he did because he loved me. I am very grateful that he chose this as the advocacy journey would not be our life changing choice if he hadn't. Life is all about choices and we have to accept them.
The Doctor at the hospital put me on a Mental Health Order - I was imprisoned so to speak to hospital treatment for my suicide attempt, the depression and grief. Ive come to realise that no matter how many pills, injections the doctors give you the pain doesn't subside. for me it was a mask. That mask was not me, it was not my personality and I changed to someone that I hated.
December 2007, we hit the first hurdle of the Firsts list. the first birthday, the first mothers day were coming, so for December 10 I was in hospital and I was begging to go home and spend the day at the cemetery to visit our little princess. The fight in the hospital was awful and I would never suggest this path of choice to anyone. My Psychiatrist wouldn't let me go, he hadn't seen a positive change in me since I was admitted to the private facility and he wanted me to make a choice. A choice that would change my life, that of my whole family.
With my medical care team had forced me into making the choice of doing something RIGHT. Something positive for myself and for Hannah. Having studied Psychology and Education and working in the very field that I tried to kill myself with all my challenges hit me like tornado. It was awful being on the end of all the strategies that I had previously given to others. This was nothing more than my own karma coming to bite me really hard and where it hurt, In my heart. I don't like getting my own medicine, Who does? but this medicine or therapy as it is called was the calling, kick up the butt I needed.
My mind was racing at one thousand miles an hour and I had so many ideas during that time I seriously was going 'around the twist'. Not to mention that I had started hearing voices which sent me crazy. I found myself arguing and fighting my feelings of anger and love. You know that monkey on the back saying I had that problem. I hate the world for taking my daughter and hurting me and my whole family. The lack of support and trying to find people who were living this nightmare proved a downright failure and those that I did find were too "far forward into their own grief and tragedy" and had somehow, to me moved on, it was like they had forgotten those initial shock traumas or they didn't want to confront them. My anger and frustration at not being able to find a support group made me more determined to find one. I was severely disappointed that our country, Australia, surrounded by water, had over 300 drownings every year had NOTHING, ZIP, ZERO, nothing. How could this be? Why was is so?
The stigma to drowning is negative it apparently selects people and doesn't happen to those well for those who live this journey of grief and being the parent of a child who drowned, as opposed to a parent of a drowned child. I don't like the latter term for the reasons that it implies that WE DID IT. We didn't drown our children, although we are aware that parents who do, do this are criminals, we are not criminals. So in any interview you will never hear me say "I am the parent of a drowned child". This also travels back to the day after Hannah died, the newspaper here where we live had the Newspaper LAIDLEY TODDLER DROWNED. This implied to the public who did not know us that our daughter was killed and by those at home. It just implied the wrong message. What the title should have read could have been (pause of thought), well the topic just shouldn't have been printed! the newspaper caused more distress to our family during that first week and I have never forgiven the journalist for the insensitive reporting and the editor fro being so contemptuous towards my other children. Sadly the journalist has never change her position of the way she writes her stories on this very topic and well lets just say "she crossed the wrong mother who never really has the greatest of days".
In December 2007 I was still in hospital and I cant recall how it happened but we met a lovely journalist for the Courier Mail who had heard of our plight and wanted to tell Hannah's Story and aided us in getting Hannah's Foundation off the ground. To Robyn Ironside of the Courier Mail Queensland we are forever indebted to you for your compassion, empathy and your own passion for our very cause. The reception that we received from people was both negative and positive but mainly we achieved contact from OTHER FAMILIES who lived this incredible, indescribable loss and pain.
SO the stigma to drowning and that of being a parent of a child who drowned was just ONE choice that I made to make a difference. In two years, many of the Foundations families have spoken publicly of their grief in order to help others understand the pain that we feel that is attached to this very 'stigma'. Many families have experienced the same 'incidents', the lack of supervision and the breakdown of same, the non compliant fence and the tragedies are the same. The parents lost a child. We are so very blessed to have met these other parents and their families, come to love them and assist them with whatever service they need.
the Concept of Hannah's Foundation was my leave pass out of hospital. It is, what I now call as my 'life saver', or 'life changer'. January 2008 saw the birth of the topics we wanted to cover, what we wanted to changed. Setting up a charity wasn't easy and I have lost count at the continual amount of times that I cried, lost the plot on the phone to people in government who just thought we were two crazy people on a crusade.
For the next 4 months I would argue, fight and push my way into government offices and the telephone bill was over $900 at home, we couldn't jump over it. The foundation needed its own telephone line so I did that and we know have that separation. the home phone doesn't work thanks to the provider we get incoming but we cant call out and when we do I lose the Internet and the foundation NEEDS the Internet to keep in touch with the world and our families.
In March 2008 we launched the foundation and raised $700 dollars from the events, the following year the same event raise over $9k. Next year, well let us just wait and see. This also saw the month of a personal decision and relationship decision that would create further heartache. That choice was IVF. I was still on my mental medication and the weight gain had increased by about 22kg. Within two weeks I had come off my meds, lost nearly 10kg which concerned doctors then we hit the IVF journey as well. We were crazy!
As I write this blog entry we have not succeeded in IVF over eight cycles, some say its meant to be but I believe that maybe the timing wasnt right for us or we have a baby in front of us and didnt realise it, its not a physical baby but as Hannah always wanted to do in her life was to save 'babies as a doctor'. So Hannah your foundation is the doctor and yes you are saving babies. The foundation is our baby we just have to nurture it and fight for it unlike a normal child.
This is just the first five months on our road to being adovcates in a world we never knew. Five months into our eternal grief and five months on the road to healing our hurt by creating something so positive and a journey that has never been truly travelled.
Kat
Hannah's Mum
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