In the real world

Response to:  Article from IVillage – QUOTE “If you don’t teach your kids to swim, you’re selfish.”I’m going to say it: This is straight-up lazy parenting.(unquote)

Dear Anonymous,

I write to express my utter distaste for your delivery of tone in your recent article on IVillage.  How Perfect you must be sitting at your desk insinuating that parents don’t care about their children, are lazy and inept in the care of their children when it comes to water safety.  You have certainly raised a few eyebrows as an ANONYMOUS author.  

What’s my view on the anonymous protection of your identity?  GUTLESS and COWARDLY!  

View point on the article itself?   You had great intentions but you totally missed the mark in a huge way, sending social media into a frenzy of mothers out there having to PROTECT their decisions for THEIR families. 

You on the other hand have obviously, purposely alienated yourself by not identifying yourself. I wonder if you did show us who you are, would you get hate mail?   Like the parents of children who drown do because they apparently failed.  I have plenty of hate mail and threats and so have my surviving children.   Drowning is cruel.  It’s incomprehensible  what families and victims go through.  It’s forever life changing.  Your life hasn’t changed has it Dear Anonymous?   Or Has it?   Was that day a wake up call for you?  How about instead of blaming and questioning others in your world why not question those close to home?  

I am the parent of a daughter, Hannah, aged 34 months at the time of her death who did exactly what your child's friend managed to do with chairs and open a pool gate and enter pool water.  Hannah knew the rules of our house, she could swim she had swum from six months of age and two nights before her death managed to complete two full lengths of our above ground pool without stopping in her freestyle.   She could have done three laps.  

Hannah died two days later on October 4^th 2007. I was changing my son’s nappy, that’s how quick it happened.    Just like you said in your article that the child in your care knew better.  My question is really, were they old enough to know better?  Had they been around water all their life to know better?  Had you told them the rules of the house or did you have ‘expect’ a child of eight to know?   My child was only nearing three years old and yet I don’t blame her one bit, it’s my fault.  I find it very infuriating to hear such diatribe from the uneducated on pool safety.  You know nothing.  It’s probably irrelevant to you, nor do I think you care but Hannah’s Coronial Inquest shaped the pool safety laws in QLD for what they are right now into SAVING LIVES.    Our house had 19 breaches to building codes, council had approved our house as compliant prior to purchase we thought our house was safe.  We taught Hannah to swim, all our five children can swim, we did everything right in trying to keep our children safe.  Yet for whatever reason when I was inside and Hannah was beside me, then to walk out on to our verandah and access our locked pool gate is just unthinkable.  Its been seven years and I still have nightmares.  Do you have nightmares Dear Anonymous for your near miss?   Do you?   I doubt it.  Heartless people don’t have nightmares they give me nightmares.   

There are two facts are in your article that make me really mad as a parent of a child who drowned and as a drowning prevention advocate.  *(Google me:  Kat Plint, Hannah’s Foundation)

FACT 1:  Your pool had items of climbing potential around it and it was scaled that is a MASSIVE FAIL on your part.   

FACT 2:  You only just sighted this child after she had scaled your pool fence and you watched her.  WHO does that?   Why did you educate this child on safety?  You wouldn’t of been there if that child had of dived in, fallen in or hit her head etc.  

How fast can you run Anonymous to your pool?   15 – 45seconds at best maybe?   By the time you get outside it’s too late.  Her brain would be slowly being deprived of oxygen and dying.  This is real. This is drowning. Not swimming, it’s about survival.   Could you live with that?  Could you live with telling your child's friends parent that their child died on your watch because you were too lazy to be outside?  

Many parents know that Active supervision is required when kids are in and around water.  Those that drown are unfortunate sad accidents that yes could have been avoided but for momentary lapses for whatever reason unintentional a child died and that is tragic.   There is no cure for drowning only prevention.  You might just pay to look up the word RISK in the dictionary.  Life is full of risks Dear Anonymous and its not just eight year olds who come to play at your house and can’t swim that could die in your care. 

The facts are staring at you and you failed in your insulating grab at poor mums out there that you were nearly me.   You could have been living my life.  A child drowned in my care it could have been you.  Fact is that drowning can and will happen to anyone, anytime if safety isn’t paramount.  I’m glad for one that you aren’t living my life because it’s a pretty crappy life to live and get up every day knowing that your baby isn’t alive and isn’t with you.  

FACT:  Your Supervision wasn’t active until right at the end. Active supervision, where was it?   You are one of the lucky ones Dear Anonymous, one of the lucky ones that doesn’t live with such tragic consequences, live life of grief and constant public ridicule of why what were you doing.   The tirade of tone in your post was offensive.  Blaming mothers for their yoga and not teaching their kids to swim?  Are you serious? 

HOW dare you?  Who are you? Should we, the public care what you think?   No not really because any caring parent firstly wouldn’t  judge another but instead offer support to help the situation. You take digging the knives into others isn’t helping our cause of advocacy.  Life is a potential risk.    
Let me educate you on the real facts of the tragedy that could have unfolded in your back yard.

FACT:  20 seconds is all it takes for a child to drown. 

FACT: Most kids who drown over five years can swim or have had lessons. Even those under five too. Those that don’t are more often than not, not the ones drowning.   In the past two years children over Eight who have died have been Swimmers who DROWNED.  Good Swimmers, Olympic Swimmers and Divers have drowned.   

FACT:  Coroners in Australia have only ever recommended Supervision and Compliant barriers to prevent drowning and have never questioned swimming lessons or the ability of a victim.  

FACT:  With so many who do swim, can swim and have drowned, the only conclusion you can possibly equate is that swimming doesn’t save lives if it did why do swimmers drown? 

FACT:  Swimmers drown because they are unskilled.   Even the best of Olympic and competition swimmers in open water ways have become troubled in water and died.  Nothing can equip you for every possible scenario in water but yes teaching kids just to get out of the pool is a bit unrealistic as well its not about getting out its about SURVIVAL.  

FACT:  your house is probably more than dangerous than you care to even contemplate.   Poisons in unlocked cupboards, televisions on furniture, blind cords, the list goes on including the family care.  Kids can be killed in any part of the home. 

I find your expectations of a child all of eight years to be unrealistic.   A child may know the rules, be trained in all the emergency procedures but I’d like to inform you that when kids are tested in times of dangers THEY FORGET.  Adults forget too.  Dear Anonymous do you know CPR?   Can you do it effectively when under stress with a dying child in front of you?   It may be a mean and nasty question but its fact because this is what is faced with many of us who try and save our own child.  CPR doesn’t always work either there are no guarantees in life.

You expect every child to know how to swim, not climb a fence, not be adventurous and not get into mischief at your house?   What were you doing inside the house if she was outside?  This would be a police question.  One I was asked and so were many other parents.   If kids can’t be adventurous in house how sad for your children.  And even sadder is that this little girl can’t come back to your house to play and have social interaction with friends, your child.    How awful.   I sincerely hope you told your child that her friend can’t come to play because her friend can’t swim.   Get over yourself, you cant be serious? How petty.   That would be like me saying to my children’s friends you can’t come here because you can’t horse ride, ride motorbikes, quad bikes or pat the cows because they aren’t farmers or have never been on a farm.  What about life experience Dear Anonymous? 
  
There are some very sad accidents in life and I am sure having read many of the parent’s comments to your post that they too are seething at you.   Im just annoyed at your naivity.   Mothers have a hard job at best, yet just like the other debates across mummy blog world breast vs bottle, natural vs caesarean, vaccinate or no vacs the list goes on you have segregated a community of mothers who are unable to have their children taught to swim.   Many would want their children to swim. It’s not a can’t matter,  its unable.  These mothers respond with other safety precautions and they too, have my support.

Yes swimming is a skill for life and I agree. Think about those who you criticised.  A mother in a wheelchair raising four kids and a husband who travels.   Do you offer to support this mother and help her in the water at the pool?   Don’t think so.

A mother who is raising three children, two severely austistic.  Water is an attraction to autistic children and these mothers have a hard time just getting two hours sleep let alone fight with their children in the pool with an instructor and end up having an overstimulated child who doesn’t sleep afterwards making for a ‘shitty’ night. Only to have to do it all again next week to suit your opinion that they are lazy parents.  They are not lazy at all.  These mothers don’t put their kids in harms way they go way above it to avoid it.  

Those mothers just trying to keep a roof over their childrens head and food on the table.   Seriously you dont  live their lives so stay out of it, look after you own life Its not perfect by any means.  

Just because Dear Anonymous you want every child to swim isn’t realistic.  There are children too who can’t swim because they too are disabled, have a medical condition which doesn’t allow them to be in water because it’s too dangerous.   Would you expect a child of eight who had over 40 seizures a day to learn to swim?   Do you know how dangerous that is not only for the child but for the instructor (with two other kids in their class) too. Would you have this child visit your home?  Are your prepared for this too?     

Unrealistic expectations is what you have Dear Anonymous.    How sad our world has become.  Such a pity that the anonymous’ out there life, live in their perfect bubbled worlds and aren’t very charitable towards others.

Sadly when a child drowns Dear Anonymous I can hear your posts now that the poor mums are to blame. Give mothers a break.

Feel free to contact Hannah's Foundation, a registered charity to support drowning victims and their families and who provide valuable community education to prevent drownings.

Kat Plint