Drowning: the inbetween Life and Death Victim survivor - a Mothers story

Yesterday I received a letter via email from another mother, Evelynne(Name changed) who shared with me the most personal details of her five year old daughters drowning in 2012. She has asked me to share it.

I'd like to thank Evelynne for her words and recall of this all too common tragedy in the backyard pool.

Drowning, when reported in the media has usually two outcomes for the general public; Dead or alive.  On many occasions children are in the Intensive Care unit fighting for life and the media never report the 'inbetween' aftermath.

Today my blog post focus' on the "inbetweens". Those victims who have and did drown and/or die,  only to recover (or be revived) and be alive.  However these victims, usually children, now live with disabilites and/or medical conditions that impact on their everyday life and their families.

Hannah's Foundation currently has 17 children aged between two years and 27 years(drowning at 15) who live with a multiple range of many medical conditions and disabilities caused by drowning. Sadly the most severe of the inbetweens will lose their lives to the injuries that were caused by them drowning. The Foundation has supported over 27 families who have had children survive only to die with weeks, months or years afterwards.   These families too matter because most often than not their stories arent told.  Many families just aren't able to tell their stories because its too painful and they live in fear of THAT day that changed their lives.  To all these families our support, hearts and love are with you all.  Evelynne's story is just one of the many drownings that happen every year. 

Evelynne's letter shares the incident in which her daughter drowned before two adults and other children in the pool. A good Level two swimmer, like many young victims, had somehow ended up on the bottom of the pool. It only takes a matter of seconds. Seconds count. The aftermath of a drowning affects everyone. The Parent, The Victim, others around them at the time, Emergency services, Doctors, Nurses and even police and those that are just too overwhelmed at the retelling of the story, its affects a whole community.  Drowning is a community issue that needs to be discussed.

Drowning is fatal. Drowning is living. But drowning too, is living with a life not as before. Life changes.    Just as this family as it does for many. I hope that the messages in Evelynne's letter can help educate on the risks around water, never be reliant on skills of children and always be alert with Supervision. As Evelynne stated in a subsequent email "If I hadn't of done CPR she wouldn't be here". Supervision, Barriers, Swim Skills and CPR save lives. In this case the Supervision and CPR saved a life but its not always like this. CPR is the last resort and Evelynne knows that her daughter was close to death. A drowning is a drowning. There is no who has it worse, who has it better. Whatever the outcome we must all live with the event and manage the guilt/burdens/grief/trauma and days ahead with honour and love from within.

Kat Plint
Founder Hannah's Foundation 

Evelynne's Letter:

Hi Kat,

After reading your blog on the Foundations website yesterday I felt compelled to share my story with you and to thank you for helping others.

In Dec of 2012 my kids and I were visiting a cousin’s house. I had given birth to my third child six days earlier and my older 2 aged nine and five decided they would go for a swim in the pool with their cousins. My Five year old had completed levels 1 & 2 in swimming lessons and she was confident in the water where she could stand. My cousin and I supervised the children, sitting only a metre or so from the pool. I looked down briefly to mix some formula for my newborn. It didn’t seem like i was distracted for long but in those few moments my five year old daughter lost her footing on the pool safety ledge and slipped silently and quickly beneath the water.  While jumping in and out of the pool my nine year old son and his eight year old cousin spotted her on the bottom, they dove to pull her up and surfaced calling my name frantically. She was blue, foaming at the mouth and nose and was lifeless. She wasn’t breathing. The world stood still. I scrambled to find a safe place to put the baby and I then grabbed her lifeless body. I laid her down beside the pool and began to breathe into her mouth doing CPR. After multiple cycles of CPR and compressions my daughter finally took a breath, vomited and opened her eyes.  I will never forget this or the smells.

Her eyes were eerily glassy and I didn’t know if she was going to be ok.  The ambulance officers arrived but her oxygen levels were very low. I had to keep her conscious, but all she wanted to do was close her eyes and go to sleep.  We soon arrived at the hospital where she was admitted. She had fluid and vomit on her lungs and her oxygen levels needed to be monitored as they kept dropping. Somehow though, through the grace of God or whatever powers were looking over us that day.  Whilst no permanent damage is visible there are learning disabilities as she has started school.  These will need support as she grows older and we are thankful that we have our little girl back. 

I, in no way claim to know what you or anyone else who has lost their child to drowning is going through but I do know that the scene of seeing your child like that is one that haunts me every day. I am forever panicking about where my children are, whether the toilet door is open or closed (for fear that my little one will fall in head first and drown), wondering when something else is going to happen, constantly fearing that I will lose a child because I wasn’t attentive enough - just like I wasn’t that day.  Life just doesn’t seem the same. Things that were once fun to do as a family, turn me into a panicking, not so fun mum, worrying about every possible hazard. I feel like I’m suffocating my kids but I don’t know how to stop it. I get frustrated when people don’t seem to understand how urgent the situation was that day and how quickly it all unfolded before us. All they see is that she is here and just can’t understand why I am the way I am. I been told to 'get over it' and that I have to 'move on'. But I can’t. I just can’t. My mind won’t let me.

Thank you for reading my story and understanding it.  Please share my story so that others who live in fear like we do every day can find comfort that they aren’t alone.  Maybe reading my story or others like yours could save lives.  

Kind Regards
Evelynne

Surely it's not that time again?

So it is August. The weather is nearing fine from the coldest winters in Australia and recent storms to our perfect weather of today of sunshine, warmth and the Australian way of life... Spending it near, on or around water. I fear the inevitable now because it's that time again. It is time for drownings. Totally preventable but sadly we will see the latest report out soon saying the sadness of statistics of all those families losses reduced to just numbers on a report page. How depressing.

Drowning and the subject of same has become a way of life. Everytime I take Harry out or his friends on our new farm I'm alert, I'm aware and obsessive (to the point of crazy) that they must stay within my sight and never go near the dams. I have life jackets on cued standby. Our Cattle dog Banjo, who is deaf, loves the water. We venture down to the dam on a walk and Banjo throws himself in it without thinking (after all he is a dog, albeit a deaf one) and gets all muddy, washy and intends on having fun. It's a dogs life afterall. I sit and watch my son and his beloved four legged friend having fun, chasing the ball, Banjo retrieving it and bringing it back for yet another round. Harry has four balls on standby if he loses one. In my mind I sit and ponder, alert as I am that something could go wrong. My heart rate is up, naturally. My son is around water. A natural water feature of mud, murky water and follage. All potential dangers. My mind races as I watch them. I jump at the first sign of the dog getting caught in the follage and breath a huge sigh when Harry says "He's okay mum he just dropped the ball". Hell I'm not dropping mine. My mind is alert, my heart is always in my throat, I'm always talking to Harry and he knows to always talk back and hes within 5m of me and the dams edge. He too is now water alert and on guard. He doesnt go in the water to retrieve the ball, that is what the dog is doing. He intelligently picks up a rock and throws it near a ball that is missing that Banjo can't see. he improvises. I sigh with relief. The dog sees the ball after the rock is thrown. I wonder how many kids would have just 'gone in' and got stuck and drowned. Harry knows better but he'd never be at the dam without either one of us. I sit back and Harry (all of aged 8 and beyond it) talks about those families who have had dam drownings and the messages we advocate. Harry is a little advocate with a soft heart and he gets upset when he speaks of those kids he knows so fondly. He tells me how he feels about loss and the loss of his sister and how he wishes it was different. Harry was only 17 months old when Hannah died. He doesn't remember her which breaks all our hearts.

We walk back to the house and another day ends with dinner and a tired out deaf cattle dog. All ready to do it again tomorrow.

This is just one day, in our life as a family who has suffered a drowning, trying to live normally. Next it is swimming lessons privately with Di, swim lessons at school where I also volunteer to give the kids more one on one time and the education about breath holding and its dangers, the diving into shallow waters, talking to teens about drugs/alcohol and swimming at the same time, looking out for your mates and community events and speaking. Its warmer weather again and we are becoming very busy. I feel exhausted just looking at the calender. Its nearing October 4th, the anniversary is a dreaded, awful time ahead. It is yet another number in our life. This year the numbers are seven and ten. Seven years since Hannah died and her tenth birthday in December. Another life robbed life.

At a friends house I go into another meltdown and my heart is in my throat when the mop bucket is in the kitchen and her toddler is in the tv room. Another potential tragedy waiting to happen, so I just empty it. My friend is "Kat's lost the plot again". Its a common saying by many of my friends but until attitudes change nothing will change in the statistics. Drowning can happen to anyone not just those with dams or pools or those that fail to empty the mop bucket. We must, as parents be alert. If we care for children we also must be alert. Eyes on all the time, never faultering to a book, a text, facebook or having a nap. Water kills. Water is dangerous. It's time to get serious about how to save lives. My heart beats are overwhelming at times to the point I cannot speak (I'm sure many would love the silence). I am fearful of what the warmer weathers will bring. After all its what we do as advocates.

So I challenge anyone who reads this to think and ask themselves "How will I change my ways about water and children?"

How many of you have answered the phone when the kids are being bathed? Left the children alone to make dinner? Grab a towel? Walked inside to get something and left the kids alone in the pool or the backyard? Not fenced the house off from the dam? Propped open the pool gate? or removed a panel of your pool fence to fix it only to leave it til tomorrow? or left your little one in the care of an older sibling? If anyone says "shit.... I've done that" Take note. My life could be yours. My crime was not supervising Hannah on the verandah of our house, where she had clear access to a chair and our pool fence whilst changing the nappy of our son Harry. The rest is historically painful. Drowning only takes a split second and it takes 30 seconds to drown and to lose brain function. A whole two minutes is what it takes to die. Forever. Gone. No second chance.

Life is about choices and actions. As Parents, our actions are contributory to safety and we must all be alert, be wise and be on guard, always thinking about safety. It is not just about water either. Cars in driveways, televisions or cupboards falling over, hot water in the kitchen, blind cords, window screens the house hold list goes on for the potentional dangers that can kill our children.

I urge everyone, every parent and carer to always be safe because life is too precious. I am dreading this warmer weather because of what I know, what I have seen and what I can forsee coming. I hate the latter. I want to prevent it. So does our son, so does every family ever touched by tragedy.

Please Supervise children always, never leave them alone, never prop open the pool gate, never leave them in the bath, never swim in murky waters without a life jacket, empty the mop bucket, teach kids about water and the dangers, yes by all means teach them to swim but remember SWIMMERS DO DROWN, SWIMMERS CAN DROWN and learn CPR, whilst its the last end of life saving its something. I just pray as a parent that no other parent ever has to try and revive their child after two minutes in a cold pool. No parent should lose a child. EVER.

Kat Plint
Advocate and Mother of Five

The crazy, irrational parent at swim lessons after tragedy.

Thursday, October 10, 2013
The crazy, irrational parent at swim lessons…… What happens after tragedy?
This is a very personal article. A common question with many parents I talk to is when to start lessons for our other children after the loss of our child or when to put the child who experienced a non fatal drowning back into the pool? There is no right time or wrong time because it’s personal.

For me, the one who experienced the fatal tragedy the sound of water, the smells, the cpr (the failure of it), the visions of finding Hannah in our pool, the contemplation or small thought of having to put Harry(16 months at the time) into lessons scared the absolute crap out of me. I couldn’t let him out of my sight. I couldn't TRUST anyone with him, least of all myself. My husband Andrew bathed Harry for about ten months after Hannah drowned because the sounds of water splashing, him being in water and the fear of him drowning was, to most, irrational but for me this was real. It was so real panic attacks were daily for months and still happen today. Drowning happened on my watch. The skills taught to Hannah didn’t save her, my CPR for 17 minutes was fruitless and the whole picture in a nutshell just sucks and went horribly wrong. This whole question tore me to pieces for three years. In my heart I knew I had to have him taught, but there was no way I’d be in the pool with him like we were with Hannah. For me the whole process and regime had to be the same as my other kids. Hannah was the only child out of my five to be taught with us in the pool from her early ages. I never did that with my other children.

When Hannah died I hated, loathed and negated the industry of swimming lessons. I had valid reasons too. I believed as a parent that her skills would save her, i never left her alone in water, she was always supervised in water and our pool was fenced. (That’s a whole new article). Hannah climbed a chair, most girls climb objects as opposed to boys, boys are more likely to ram through gates/panels like tip trucks to enter water, girls tend to problem solve the access. I can name more girls using objects than boys over the last six years and one boy the rest just scaled through fences that were broken etc.

So what does a parent like us do when faced with the scenario of having our other child/ren put into lessons? For me, I fear it because I didnt trust it, it had failed me. I needed to have ‘something’ restored in my trust. It was hard to find.

I went searching and it is no secret that we sought out the regime of Infant swim. WHY? Because we believed in it, saw it, watched it painfully (through the emotional heartache of reliving Hannah’s death, smells of chlorine and the sounds)for four days and felt it was the right decision for us. Others dont like it, the industry hates (says its apparently too traumatic for children)(I disagree, Harry isn’t traumatised by it in fact its quite the opposite for us) it but for us as one of those parents it was the only option for us.

For two years and a half years Harry was without that loving pool splashing water familiarisation at home. After all we had no water anywhere for him to play in. The pool was gone, the pig pens were blocked off, not one person could get to a source of water. Every time he touched water, my heart raced, my panic attacks would stop me in my tracks, I struggled to breath, my heart pounded my chest (one time the Doctors thought Id had a heart attack) a few times I needed medical attention and yet we were expected to do this because it was necessary. It tore me every day, I cried uncontrollably at the concept. There was limited support from the industry to get me to trust it again. I felt disheartened, confused and tormented. Swimming in our family use to be fun and it brought us together, our children thrived in the sport but now it was daily torture.
The traumas which are ongoing from that fateful day are cold water, vomit, smell of chlorine, screams, Hannah's face, her lifeless body facedown in the water, the sounds of Harry screaming in his highchair, the abandonment felt at the hospital and afterwards the blame all come flooding back.
The nightmares after six years have every so slighty subsided but the panic attacks are still there, in summer they are at their worst. Every parent I have ever met experiences this in some way or form. This is what is different about the two groups of parents. If your child dies you get rid of your pool, if your child survives you keep the pool. Nearly all of the parents I know bar 7 I know have removed the pool from the house and stayed in the very house where there little one was taken. We are one of these parents. I hate my house.

To contemplate putting Harry into swimming let alone let him touch water came about after speaking to Justin Lemberg at Goodna pool after a tragedy. We had supported his staff and provided a Professional Counsellor to attend and basically she helped us all. It was now time to learn to TRUST and the industry had to earn it.

Harry was invited to spend a few lessons with a few different teachers at Goodna but my heart sank when he was in the water and it didn’t feel right. Not because what they were doing was wrong it wasn’t, the anxious feeling that something could happen was just too hard for me as a mother. Harry panicked in the water too because he felt my fear, the teachers knew my fear. I have the utmost of respect for those teachers who take us parents on, it’s a bloody hard job you face in view of our tragedy. In the end the few lessons he had my husband had to take him. My husband was the only one I trusted with Harry and our older adult children went along for moral support. Everyone had to supervise him I said.

We rang many other teachers explaining the anxieties and the lack of trust. I personally had to find that trust in someone to teach Harry to float, roll over, be able to get out of the pool and leap forward into his swimming ability. We found that trust in Richard in Sydney and the costs were enormous for us but ever so worth it.
Richard and his wife Rochelle were ever so patient with me as a panicked parent on the side of the pool, he answered my questions and they sat with me whilst Harry did his two week intensive training. Harry had a blast and loved it, wanted more time in the pool, didn’t want to leave. For ME, it was the best thing I could have done but it was painful. However seeing Harry fun had reminded me of Hannah in the water and the fun times we had.

Other parents struggle to find such instructors with the understanding and patience that dealing with an anxious/irrational parent of child who drowned experiences. Richard challenged me in the water twice in 2008 only 4 months after Hannah drowned, then sadly I was attacked for speaking out on what I believed in and it’s been now five years and I haven’t ventured back into the pool. Now it’s truly tough. How does one get back in the water, trust it, believe in it and support it?

No one is wrong in this opinion, it’s about TRUST and what is best for YOUR children. After a tragedy that TRUST changes. Believe me its ripped me many times and Ive had many arguments with swim teachers over the past six years on their beliefs but really..... THEY ARENT living my life or my burden of tragedy or my fears. I doubt any teacher in the water is constantly thinking “this kid must not drown on my watch”? They have NO clue at all how life has been since Hannah died unless they too have a lost a child who could swim and they were a parent who knew CPR. No one has the right to even begin to question our rationale of survival after such an event. Not anyone, only ourselves.

I have sat with fantastic swim teachers along Harry and my goodness all these teachers are amazingly patient and truly remarkable. Ive cried, panicked, even walked out due to the uncontrollable anxieties but they have all continuously held my hand and 'mothered' me back with Harry. To Richard, Rachelle, Keryn, Di L, Justin L, Di W you all are just truly amazing teachers and you know I can’t thank you all enough. I can say without a doubt it’s not how you are trained but how an instructor relates to a client and that is the biggest challenge. This is now a case of WE need the industry not the industry needs us. Parents could easily walk away and not have other children engaging in water familiarisation. We could choose the opposite but many of us don’t.

For months my psych team were encouraging me to desensitise to water and the fear. Its bloody hard work and I am never truly passed that 'fear' but over time (its been six years) I have learned to trust others with Harry in water. His teacher Di in Laidley is wonderful and having a non-chlorinated pool certainly helped me watch him, the Goodna Pool and Justin were awesome and now his school swimming and Keryn in her chlorinated unheated pool. Harry has every possible scenario thrown at him and he’s alive. It’s an awesome mix of environments that works for us. Everyone knows MY fear and they know Harrys needs. It’s also great now because at seven Harry will tell you if he isn’t comfortable or if he feels that a particular exercise in the water isn’t safe for HIM. After all this child knows drowning all too well. Other families are no different, their kids know just as much or witnessed their siblings tragedy. He is very water alert. He begs for a swim at the Uni Pool with his dad when it’s really hot, he has even asked us to buy another house with a different pool because he loves it. I’m still hesitant.

So, when a parent seeks support in the industry after a tragedy, here's my opinion and some advice.

Your first question to ANY parent should be “What are your experiences with water?”, simply put and it gives your ‘future’ client a chance to provide their story, if they have one. I’ve never been asked it but I can tell you Ive met more swim teachers who are daunted and hesitant by the reply “our daughter drowned”. They just simply don’t know what to do or say.
You should LISTEN our concerns, and trust me there are many concerns and they are real,
understand that anxiety and fears are no doubt a part of our daily life,
never tell them to get over it because they will never get over it,
be compassionate and show some empathy.
Dont ever tell a parent that they chose the wrong swim school for their deceased/injured child, seriously?
Don’t ever question the right of a parent to question your objectives as an instructor in the water. Yes, you have qualifications but that doesn't make TRUST instant in a traumatised parent. TRUST TAKES TIME. If a parent wants you to teach a particular skill, TEACH IT, after all they are paying you too. But most of all ask us how WE feel and how today is.
Provide the parent and their child a comfort zone and slowly take them out and not too fast, revisiting traumas is quite easy and you will simply lose client and then they will need more counselling. Not great for business. Not great for a charity who supports these parents.

I can recommend teachers and swim schools based on what I know, what Ive seen, who we talk too, what other members have said with their experiences after tragedies have torn our lives apart. There are a minute few that I would not even speak to let alone recommend because of their tirade of opinions sent to us when Hannah drowned and their constant criticisms of our opinions as parents and also advocates. I admit, I’ve lost professional respect for about six personnel in the industry and I do not wish to even spend time with any of them least of all hear their opinions that I no longer attend conferences because i find them offensive. The attitude of some in the industry really need to shape up. Parents need your help, their kids need your help and if you wish to keep business and get recommendations for new clients I need your help to help these parents and their kids.

So who hands up who wants an irrational, fearful, untrusting, crying, hysterical parent, who freaks out when their child is in water in your pool all because the very task in front of them has taken their other child? This is the question by many.

Probably no one is the answer. This is a serious issue for many families right now and it is ever so frustrating. The task to desensitise to water is a huge step for those children who are also traumatised by their survival. Ever asked a parent what experiences a child has had upon enrolment? Ever asked yourself why little Mary hates water? Why little Jack cant jump in feet first? Ask your clients what their history or association with water has been and if there are any factors that you, as an instructor needs to know. The first answer I give an instructor is we have suffered a drowning, Harry heard it all. This must be confronting for a teacher surely? Along with our grief, the burdens faced every day, the very skills we want to trust doesn’t offer us much comfort. Any instructor needs to address the compounding issues of Psychological trauma and fear that right now only our doctors can assist with. Yet another tragedy that an industry can't support us because they fear parents like us.

Remember: SUPERVISE IS NUMBER ONE! Face up first, feet first in inland water ways and always wear a life jacket, ensure your pool fences comply and are always maintained because we know the rest has failed. There are no guarantees in life, we know, we live it every day without our children.

6 years and nothing has really changed

Six years on the 4th October since we lost our beloved little Purple Princess Hannah. Some things have changed but really the few things we wanted to change havent. This disappoints us because so many have died and we have tried diligently to change the statistics that sit before me on my desk.

Legislation in Qld, NSW, SA and soon Victoria have changed somewhat. Qld is the best by far along with WA which changed Pool Legislation years ago. Laws are needed for safety and some laws were in place but just never enforced.

There are days on the grief and yet public advocacy journey where I sit back in my chair and think "what the hell am I doing this for? no one listens". The Truth is people don't or simply choose not to. Drowning won't ever happen to them you see they are the lucky ones. It's a false sense of security believing that something won't happen when in reality shit does happen and to good honest people.

With National Day coming up drowning prevention still struggles to get the attention it deserves. Nationally on tv and radio there are sporadic mentions of safety but not a lot. Hannahs Foundation isnt in a financial position to advertise on expensive television time slots so its social media to the rescue. Hitting twitter, facebook and others promoting in forums the message is only being minutely heard.

A massive thanks goes out to Craig Lowndes from Red Bull Racing who retweeted my post on National Day and our media release. Thanks so much Craig you are a champ. This also made the day of Kelly Taylor, who this week reaches her third year without young son Jaise. Jaise loved the V8s and Holden so the retweet gave a greiving mum a 'pick me up'.

Kelly has been a staunch public advocate in NSW for Pool safety and deserves every bit of recognition for her passion, after all we love our children, thats why do this. There are very few parents really putting themselves out there like Kelly. Whilst we have done it for six years its not easy behind the scenes we are emotional, crying, frustrated grieving wrecks of parents who have lost a child.

Drowning prevention is the "cancer of water". It kills but without a cure only prevention. It's as simple as that. No warning. No time for goodbyes. However to prevent this horrible destructive death that takes so many and tortures so many families there are simple preventatives:

1. SUPERVISE everyone in and around water
2. BARRIERS - Pool fencing, ensuring your barriers are maintained, dont prop open the gate and leave it open on purpose, its meant to self close
2a BARRIERS on the water: Life jackets and EPIRB, two most critical pieces of boating and water equipment ever needed. Wear the Jacket and Make sure your EPIRB is within reach incase of capsize or emergency. GPS is even better for emergency crews to find you.

These two measures above are the ones to prevent you from drowning. the next two I am not an avid campaigner of but others are. Statistics tell us that swimmers drown and CPR is only effective in 1.9% of drowning cases so the message is clear. TRY Not to drown because the odds of making it are pretty, well slim. These are facts.

3. YES Water familiarisation, know how to swim but realise that your ability and strength can be overpowered by water, make positive choices around water sadly swimmers do drown but in older kids and adult it can help to float
4. CPR

Six years on and nothing has changed, the stats go up, the messages arent being heard and yes this makes us bitter. We want it to change. The Federal Government needs to help prevent such needless deaths on our shores and backyards. Better support services would make a huge difference to those left in the aftermath.

All I can hope for this National Day is that someone listens and someone is possibly saved through hearing the social media messages.

Please listen and share our messages so that no one needs to locate the support services through Hannahs Foundation and live the life that over 970 of our members do. We are truly grateful for the supporters and donors who continue to help us but sadly more is needed. If only is a question I ask myself often. If only.

Drowning kills over 300 every year, injures over triple more and water accidents through spinal injuries and boating accidents are also of great concern. Australia should care about Drowning after all our nation is surrounded by water and our tourism people promote it but it isnt without the dangers that looms if you are unaware! So raise awareness and save a life, that is what needs to change.

One less, it must be December?

It’s that time of year again, shitty December. Apart from May and October I really do loathe December. The party month we use to call it, Hannah’s birthday on the tenth and that led into the massive swells of parties for her friends and of course who could forget Christmas. Hannah was the party Queen, anyone who ever met her will tell you that. Her very first party was on the 26th December 2007, only three weeks old and she was awake the WHOLE time and never took her eyes of Uncle Damien. Oh the memories of that day. Hannah’s attitude to parties was eat lot of smarties, drink lots of bubble and crash on either dad or mum’s side of the bed in exhaustion. Who could argue. Hannah certainly lived in her life and we are very blessed for it.

December feels like the road to hell. That downhill screamer. Kind of like a hangover that won’t go away but you haven't touched a drop of alcohol. The constant pain in my head, the loneliness in my aching heart. Every shop I enter I just want to yell and scream. During the year “I’m fine” but come Mother’s Day, Hannah’s Anniversary and her birthday I am a disastrous mess even though I am silent. December, I find is the month that reminds me of my constant One less. If only.

Someone asked me last week “What do you want for Christmas Kat?” I could sense their excitement with such a young family but I found myself screaming inside saying “What the F*ck do you think I want for Christmas?” I answered and faked a smile "Id love family for Christmas" their answer in reply was about gifts, presents and a holiday they are planning and not once was my response acknowledged, in fact they ignored it with gusto.

So many of our ‘old’ friends too have forgotten that we are ‘less one’ at Christmas, less one with one bum missing on a seat at the Christmas dinner function, one less pool in the yard to enjoy (it’s gone) and one more trip to the cemetery to say “we miss you more than ever”. Many old friends have gone from our lives too, they didn’t understand our consumed intense grief and nor did they try to understand it or the battles that we faced internally to fight for change. I didnt have the strength to help their grief, I struggle much with my own. I feel abandoned by these those who quit. I never quit on them during their hard times in their lives but come our daughter’s life, they quit within a year. This is the life I have now, it’s the best I have. If Only i could quit grief, wouldn't that be a thought?

This year though the cemetery visit won’t happen. The destruction of the grave site last week has gutted me yet again and I struggle with decision we face to fix and restore versus remove and replace. Can't a child rest in peace? I am depleted in all my being at having to again for the fourth time, rebuild a memorial. How many times must a family endure this? It’s cruel but true and I can be assured that the culprit will wake up with her family on Christmas and not give one thought to our pain that she has caused by destroying such a precious place in our hearts.

So what does one want for Christmas with One less?

A Christmas of love and family, that my grief would miraculously be cured (after all isn’t Christmas about some miracle?), that others would remember that Hannah still exists in our hearts and put her name on any shitty card that's been sent. I confess anyone who hasn’t put her name on a card gets put in the bin I don’t keep them, those that do are safely in her memory box for Harry when he is older, a time when the phone wouldn’t ring to say “there’s been another one”, or maybe someone could just pinch me and say ‘sorry Kat it’s all been a bad joke, here’s your daughter back’, or maybe the messages of Hannah’s legacy and others before and after her could be heard so that it doesn’t happen again? Wouldn’t that be nice, Zero drownings for Christmas or ever! WOW that’s my goal, but I am naive.

Christmas is a time for celebrating but many families who are feeling that ‘one less bum on a seat’ all struggle in some way, some don’t even celebrate it anymore. I know for two Christmas' we didn't as a family, just ignored the day and tried to move through it. I felt swamped during that time. Wouldn't it be lovely to be gifted a miracle this Christmas? I dream of a miracle to join our family everyday but it won’t happen. The miracle of a child has been denied to us and my heart aches at this time of year. Its normal yes but this normal I don’t like and nor should I have too. Harry our son said “Id love a baby brother or sister so I will just ask for a computer game”. How heartbroken is our boy? He is shattered, he longs for family and adores babies, he is such a kind hearted soul and so gentle, just like his dad.

So this Christmas when you are all opening presents, smiling, laughing, drinking and partying hard, spare a moment for those families, and yes selfishly ours, that they and us are not like you, we struggle to fake the smiles and laughter around those that have forgotten of our loss or the impact of severity it has taken on our family. Think of all those families missing a loved one at this time of year and spare a thought for those that will also lose one.

What I want for Christmas? No deaths, no heartache, no loss and no grief. If only. I live in hope.

Is it January yet?

Schoolies 2012 – Risk vs Reward

Schoolies time yet again. Gee that year went fast. Congratulations to all School leavers around the country.

Schoolies is just another time for young people to be free, let their hair down, drink alcohol, and undertake other risky behaviours. Just this week many witnessed in the media a young man aged 16 trying to attempt to swim across the mouth of the Maroochydore River and instead the cocky, ignorant an idiot of the young man nearly drowned. He also risked the life of two other people on kayaks and that of the surf lifesaver on a jet ski. Such behaviours are a concern when young people have no disregard or concerns for others around them or their safety. I am of the opinion that maybe Emergency services should bill these young idiots for their time and the high risks. He choose to undertake this risk, he was not in the safe zone of the red and yellow flags and had a blatant disregard for himself and others.

Alcohol, drugs, cocky attitudes added to having swimming skills and a young person's mind is only a formula for a fatality. I apologise to other young people who do have respect in the community, undertake charity work, volunteered to surf lifesaving, help the elderly and are really good people. However there are some, mainly men, who think that they are invincible to the laws of society, have disregard to the community and its people and their own safety. This blog is for you.

There are many teenagers who have been killed tragically through stupidity either by others or through their own actions and these stories need to be told. Drowning is one of the highest causes of death in young people aged 15 to 24 years and sadly most of these people were young men undertaking higher risk behaviours in water. Water and alcohol do not mix . Risky behaviours and water do not mix. Simply in this age group men and water don't mix.

If you are aged between 15 to 24 and are a young man you are at high risk of drowning. Tragedies such as boating accidents, swimming and inland waterways, swimming at night time in unpatrolled areas of the surf and rare occasion the backyard swimming pool. Last year Hannahs Foundation supported many families who have lost their young sons to tragedies in water and are still struggling to find the answers and accept their deaths. Having sat with mothers, fathers, siblings and grandparents at funerals, in their home, these families have been changed forever by the very actions that they educated to their sons but sadly their son never listened. Many of the parents that I tragically speak to are furious, upset, angry, because their sons knew better. Many were great swimmers. This is the hardest part of the young person's death to accept when all they had to do was make a better choice.

There are many aspects of safety that were not taken, forgotten, disregarded that took the lives of these young men. Safety such as WEARING a life jackets in inland waterways whilst boating, not drinking alcohol whilst undertaking a water activity, not diving into shallow water holes without knowing the water itself, not undertaking dares or risks from mates whilst intoxicated the list continues.

There is so much advocacy and public awareness campaigns on hooning, speeding, drinking and driving, texting while driving for young people yet there are no campaigns nationally to educate on the dangers of water. Young people don’t seem to be listening to the other messages either.

Water, risky behaviours add to that cocky attitudes only end in fatalities and this needs to stop. Too many of our young men, with lifelong dreams, girlfriends, futures, are being lost to silliness and a poor choice. Sadly many will no doubt read this and think “pfft, what would she know?”.

Well in fact I know a lot, I am a mother, a mother who has experienced the gut wrenching hole in my heart after losing one of her children. I have witnessed other mothers experience this very hole in the heart too. One that cannot be fixed. The loss of any young person is a tragedy and many mothers are just trying to stop it from happening to their peers through education.

I lecture and wrote the Hannah’s Foundation, Brandi Allen Positive Choices Program back in 2009. Since then over 2000 students have been educated on high risk behaviours. A highlight of this program is being contacted by a young person who says “I didn’t get into the car with my friend, thank you, I remembered what you said, my friend died”. Just saving one person might seem enough but its not. Losing a young person is a tragedy to our community and I beg you all you to just remember Stop, Think, Safety First, RETHINK IT.

STOP! Stop and really THINK, about what you are about to undertake, SAFETY FIRST is what you are about to undertake dangerous? Risky? Will it harm your or your friends? Then if SO, I beg you to RETHINK IT.

There is no reset button on life, once you are dead you are gone forever. A risky behaviour that is fatal is ‘unintentional suicide’.

As part of the Hannah’s Foundation Positive Choices Program for young people a person in the audience is sought to stand. That person is then asked about their siblings and parents and another people in the audience are asked to stand to represent each one. We then look at the extended family and friends and another person representing them will stand. Then we have a representative to form the role of the Ambulance Officers, Fire and Rescue, Life Savers and those bystanders/witnesses at the scene. We then select representatives who are the doctors, nurses and staff at the hospital who are also touched by your loss. Then several more are selected to represent the Police Officers who investigate your death.

When I lecture there is a great sense of involvement with the majority of young people volunteering for these roles. The last role that is selected is that of the Police Officers who will attend your parents’ home to tell them of your death. There are no volunteers, there is no laughter, and there is only silence. The school hall is now in deafening silence.

This is a role that my husband as a Police Officer of 27 years over time in General duties (11 years) has unfortunately had to undertake. He recalls telling a young person’s family this very message over 14 times in just one small region in Brisbane alone. He recalls every family, the screams of mum and the disbelief of dad. He is but only one of the selfless Officers in QLD out of 10,000 who will do this every day. COULD you be a policeman? Could you even imagine doing this at work? Many don’t.

I ask you all as young people to think of your mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, girlfriends, grandparents and friends, the impact on their lives without you in it.
Think about those selfless Emergency Services Personnel that will have to knock on your parents door and say “Im sorry Mr and Mrs * but your son * has been involved in an accident, I am sorry to inform that your child is dead”.

Imagine reading that last word ‘dead’, the scream from your mother, her legs collapsing, your father’s hands shake uncontrollably and he too collapses on the lounge chair in disbelief that you are gone.

Your siblings are now screaming too, yet two officers are sitting there helpless to do anything but console and then leave for another job, most likely the same or similar to this one.

Think about the Ambulance officers who so desperately will try and save you, knowing that their efforts are going to be futile but persisting all the same because they know that while they continue there is always hope. In many cases when they are making strong efforts to save you, in the back of their mind they are thinking of you, your family and their own and wondering what if?

When you think about your wider circle of friends outside your family, your school friends, sporting clubs and social networking and how much joy and pleasure you get from them and they from you. You may think that you are just one small part of that community but you are a very important to the centre of the community. One decision, one mistake, one error of judgement, one poor choice and that community will implode. By making a smarter choice you then become the centre pillar that holds and supports those around you. If you have ever underestimated your value just reflect back to an occasion where your friends have invited you to an event and someone hasn’t been there. Everybody’s comments is “you should have been there it was the best time”.

Today for many schoolies marks the end of their formal education. Through the coming years you will learn much by experience, make those experiences count and do not make those experiences your last.

Kat Plint can be contacted at Hannahs Foundation 07 5465 2000 or twitter @HFKatPlint

Media responsibility and safety messages

Media Release 2012

Pool drowning media footage sends wrong message


Hannah's Foundation, drowning prevention and awareness and advocacy group are concerned that media messages on recent pool drownings are sending the wrong message.

Andrew Plint, Founding Director and Licensed Pool Safety Inspector (Qld) said “Whilst it is pleasing to see a positive result after what could well have been a tragedy, it is vital to remember that this drowning would not have occurred if adult supervision and a compliant fence was in place.”

Mr Plint said “It is important to remember when articles like this appear in the media to highlight not only what has gone right (CPR) but what has gone wrong. It is through this combination of prevention messages in relation to drownings that we can help prevent further drowning tragedies.”

Kelly Taylor, Jaise’s Law New South Wales campaigner pleaded with Media to be extra careful when showing footage of drowning tragedies even in success stories.

Mrs Taylor said “On 23 October 2012 the New South Wales Parliament passed new laws in regards to the Swimming Pools Act and the footage shown on the media article was clearly in breach of this act”

Mrs Taylor said “Too many tragedies in backyard pools occur when supervision breaks down and a non-compliant pool fence or barrier is in place.  There are many potentially awaiting tragedies however in New South Wales with pools and their barriers that are non-compliant”

“I also want to congratulate the brother of this toddler on his quick thinking and his actions and commencing CPR on his little mate and saving his life.”

Mrs Taylor said “whilst this story may have looked as a feelgood story it is irrevocably painful to those who have not had a successful outcome and calls upon all media both in print and on television to band together and support the messages of supervision and barriers save lives’

She said “Jaise’s Law was passed for a reason and I'd like to see the message ‘Supervise with your eyes, not your ears, you won't hear drowning’™ and  “Don’t let your child drown in a non compliant pool” across all stations because sadly over the past eight weeks there have been deaths in Queensland and Western Australia and two other children on life support currently battling their medical complications caused by falling in a pool with non-compliant barriers”

The New South Wales pool safety campaign urges all media to get behind Hannah's Foundation and support their families and messages that the community in order to save young lives.

Mrs Taylor also calls upon the Minister Don Page MP, The Police Minister Mr Gallacher to urgently respond to the matter of non-compliant pool fences and drownings in non fatals and urges compliance of all pools prior 1992.  Every drowning irrespective of the outcome needs to be investigated by authorities by police and councils to ensure the safety of lives in children is paramount”

“The pool fence that I observed in the media in relation to this story was disturbing,  having lost a child and we can only learn from both this recent successful story and my own in Jaise’s loss to educate the public.  Non compliant pool fences and a breakdown in supervision is fatal”

Mrs Taylor said “I urge any pool owner in New South Wales, who has a young toddler, or has toddler is around them to urgently have their pool fences inspected and have them updated to the current pool safety standards irrespective of when their pool was constructed”

“A pool is a pool and every pool in New South Wales and across Australia requires a fence and every toddler in Australia deserves safety.  Your pool fence is your barrier it is your backup your second set of eyes when yours failed momentarily”

“Please support these messages because drowning tragedies of young children can be prevented with the right messages and the right public education and support.  Aussie kids deserve nothing less” She said.

Always around water:

Supervise every child and swimmer
Ensure Barriers are in place and compliant

For further comment please contact Kelly Taylor and Andrew Plint on 07 5465 2000