My vision: my Reality

It's been seven years, two months and nine days since we lost Hannah.  Many thought we'd never last as a charity, let alone a family, together.  Well we are.

In January 2008 I met Rachelle and Richard Beesley who set me on a path to follow a dream to become a Swimming Instructor.   Only problem:  I hated water.  Freaked out at Chlorine.  Cried when I saw blonde hair blue eyed girls in purple swimmers and the list went on.

Harry and I in Sydney whilst he was doing KASS.  Lunch at Bondi

I so badly wanted to make a difference in the water but for the past seven years its been outside.  Well up until now that is.

On the 10th November 2014 I finally finished my ASCTA Learn to Swim.   Its taken seven years in and out of the water, multiple sessions with my private psychiatrist and help from Professional Counsellor Dawn Macintyre to get to this point.   Professionals gave me the power in  my mind amidst all the trauma to get through this but what truly did make the solid difference to my success and confidence was a few people in the swim industry who made it happen.  Some public and a few private who choose not to be mentioned on my rippled journey.

I have spent time in schools volunteering to watch kids in the water, visiting swim schools and just sitting by the pool watching, observing and coming home to write my notes and views.  I've seen many things that make me shudder and thank the stars that we don't have more statistics.   I pulled a child from the water not so long back and I did it without batting an eye lid.  This child clearly just forgot to kick and was in trouble and sank wide eyed looking at us from the side of the pool.   Others just stood thinking I was crazy but clearly NOT many adults KNOW what drowning looks like or when a swimmer is in trouble.  Adults need to be more aware, whilst supervision is active what could seem as seemless fun could infact be a child in trouble.  I overheard a parent on the course of my LTS Journey that their child was a 'lazy kicker' in the pool.  I've heard 'my kids can swim 200m blah blah' yet when put the test the kids can't even get to the side of the pool let alone contemplate the end of the lane.  It's scary.

With my time at KASS in Sydney in 2008 and again for six weeks with our son Harry in 2010 I observed and asked so many questions I was empowered.   When we travelled to the USA in 2012 to attend the NDPA conference in San Diego I spoke to many about Infant Swim in Australia, Learn to Float in the USA and other programs that focus on Survival.  Its about surviving the water fun that can turn deadly in seconds. 

I focus on survival.   The messages of safety are important and children and their parents get them at every lesson. I dont intend to set out to teach a champion.  I want survival.  Survival to keep kids fit. Survival skills to help kids problem solve and empower kids with enough information that they respect the water.  I can tell you the amount of children between 8 and 18 that play dangerous games, enter risk and dares is beyond comprehension.   We only have seen the statistics but I can assure you, if your boy is aged in this bracket at one point in his life he will take a water risk.   Educate them.

KASS started me off on my journey.  We wanted to open a swim school in QLD to just teach survival.  It is still a dream but now I am closer to it.  The Survival is still not supported as a regime but that's okay. For me, I know it works and I just wish Hannah had of had that opportunity because we will never know if it could have saved her.

From KASS we ventured to Goodna Pool with Justin Lemberg (former Olympian, Darren, Di, Judy and his team).   After a fatal at their public pool I had formed a relationship with both Justin and Di as professionals to guide me further on my journey.  I asked questions.  I nagged them about programs and WHY this was done and why that was done.  It all aided me in my quest.

For the past five years Ive battled the demons of the pool.  Just getting myself in the water was an enormous task.  The fears and flashbacks of Hannah in the pool was horrific that I'd shake and I had to get out.   I would sit at the side and dabble my feet.    Watch kids playing.  One time I left the pool in tears and couldn't even manage the 50 minute drive home. I sat for hours in the car park asking myself "what the hell am i doing this for?"

Dawn Macintyre was my sounding board of frustration and my inabilities.  My Psychiatrist had diagnosed me with multiple disorders which were helpful but I felt labelled and over medicated.   I don't want to be a label in the pool.  I don't want to be a LTS who a mother of a child who drowned but sadly I do and I am.  That's my reality.   Who wants their child taught by a mother who failed to supervise her child?   There's a few which is encouraging.

My log book is extensive with observations at 9 swim schools around three states of Australia 2 in the USA and over 167 hrs in the water with kids and instructors and 111 beside the pool.   I've over exerted myself with knowledge but I'm grateful for the opportunity.

In 2013 my life took a turn in April for the worst.  A health scare made me organise my life with an updated Will and making arrangements for possible Physcial care.   Suffering the worst two surgeries in nine days and cardiac issues and being in ICU i re-evaluated my life as it was.

In October 2013 I ventured back into the pool.  Just walking and getting my strength back was the biggest struggle.  Walking hurt, my back hurt everything from surgery hurt and it was weak.   My physiotherapist and Surgeon said "to strength your lower body you must get in the water'.  The ground could have swallowed me then and there.   

So swim I did.

Eve Fraser at Greenbank and her manager Viki got me in the pool walking laps for hours I just walked at chest height with the water slapping my slides.  It tooks me 3 times a week to get the courage up to book in to what would ultimately now change my life.   I booked a Learn to Swim course to become a teacher.

I bit the bullet so to speak.  My Husband Andrew was worried of course and I battled and cried as I struggled with my health (he had taken four months off to look after me and the kids) and then to get fit was the life changer.  I was losing weight.  I was walking faster, coping with stair cases, even riding a horse again which my surgeon suggested was probably not a good idea but I LOVE RIDING.

I've seen some of the best at work and I am truly blessed.   I've managed two CPR courses in 13 months and a First Aid course something many of us try to avoid having lost a child with our fruitless attempts.  I am now qualified and I aim to equip kids with skills, knowledge, fitness and survival skills to the best of my ability and help those kids, who like me, fear the water.   I don't ever proclaim to the best but I am good at it.

My dream to one day opening up the Hannahs Foundation Not For Profit Swim School is one step closer to our dream for our baby girl and it's her, my family and all those who have helped this journey, have made it possible.

Never tell me I cant do it.  Because I have and I am determined to make a difference. To all those parents who think they can't do something, you can.  It's taken me seven years and it's been one hell of a wild ride.

Kat Plint
Learn to Swim Instructor


 

In the real world

Response to:  Article from IVillage – QUOTE “If you don’t teach your kids to swim, you’re selfish.”I’m going to say it: This is straight-up lazy parenting.(unquote)

Dear Anonymous,

I write to express my utter distaste for your delivery of tone in your recent article on IVillage.  How Perfect you must be sitting at your desk insinuating that parents don’t care about their children, are lazy and inept in the care of their children when it comes to water safety.  You have certainly raised a few eyebrows as an ANONYMOUS author.  

What’s my view on the anonymous protection of your identity?  GUTLESS and COWARDLY!  

View point on the article itself?   You had great intentions but you totally missed the mark in a huge way, sending social media into a frenzy of mothers out there having to PROTECT their decisions for THEIR families. 

You on the other hand have obviously, purposely alienated yourself by not identifying yourself. I wonder if you did show us who you are, would you get hate mail?   Like the parents of children who drown do because they apparently failed.  I have plenty of hate mail and threats and so have my surviving children.   Drowning is cruel.  It’s incomprehensible  what families and victims go through.  It’s forever life changing.  Your life hasn’t changed has it Dear Anonymous?   Or Has it?   Was that day a wake up call for you?  How about instead of blaming and questioning others in your world why not question those close to home?  

I am the parent of a daughter, Hannah, aged 34 months at the time of her death who did exactly what your child's friend managed to do with chairs and open a pool gate and enter pool water.  Hannah knew the rules of our house, she could swim she had swum from six months of age and two nights before her death managed to complete two full lengths of our above ground pool without stopping in her freestyle.   She could have done three laps.  

Hannah died two days later on October 4^th 2007. I was changing my son’s nappy, that’s how quick it happened.    Just like you said in your article that the child in your care knew better.  My question is really, were they old enough to know better?  Had they been around water all their life to know better?  Had you told them the rules of the house or did you have ‘expect’ a child of eight to know?   My child was only nearing three years old and yet I don’t blame her one bit, it’s my fault.  I find it very infuriating to hear such diatribe from the uneducated on pool safety.  You know nothing.  It’s probably irrelevant to you, nor do I think you care but Hannah’s Coronial Inquest shaped the pool safety laws in QLD for what they are right now into SAVING LIVES.    Our house had 19 breaches to building codes, council had approved our house as compliant prior to purchase we thought our house was safe.  We taught Hannah to swim, all our five children can swim, we did everything right in trying to keep our children safe.  Yet for whatever reason when I was inside and Hannah was beside me, then to walk out on to our verandah and access our locked pool gate is just unthinkable.  Its been seven years and I still have nightmares.  Do you have nightmares Dear Anonymous for your near miss?   Do you?   I doubt it.  Heartless people don’t have nightmares they give me nightmares.   

There are two facts are in your article that make me really mad as a parent of a child who drowned and as a drowning prevention advocate.  *(Google me:  Kat Plint, Hannah’s Foundation)

FACT 1:  Your pool had items of climbing potential around it and it was scaled that is a MASSIVE FAIL on your part.   

FACT 2:  You only just sighted this child after she had scaled your pool fence and you watched her.  WHO does that?   Why did you educate this child on safety?  You wouldn’t of been there if that child had of dived in, fallen in or hit her head etc.  

How fast can you run Anonymous to your pool?   15 – 45seconds at best maybe?   By the time you get outside it’s too late.  Her brain would be slowly being deprived of oxygen and dying.  This is real. This is drowning. Not swimming, it’s about survival.   Could you live with that?  Could you live with telling your child's friends parent that their child died on your watch because you were too lazy to be outside?  

Many parents know that Active supervision is required when kids are in and around water.  Those that drown are unfortunate sad accidents that yes could have been avoided but for momentary lapses for whatever reason unintentional a child died and that is tragic.   There is no cure for drowning only prevention.  You might just pay to look up the word RISK in the dictionary.  Life is full of risks Dear Anonymous and its not just eight year olds who come to play at your house and can’t swim that could die in your care. 

The facts are staring at you and you failed in your insulating grab at poor mums out there that you were nearly me.   You could have been living my life.  A child drowned in my care it could have been you.  Fact is that drowning can and will happen to anyone, anytime if safety isn’t paramount.  I’m glad for one that you aren’t living my life because it’s a pretty crappy life to live and get up every day knowing that your baby isn’t alive and isn’t with you.  

FACT:  Your Supervision wasn’t active until right at the end. Active supervision, where was it?   You are one of the lucky ones Dear Anonymous, one of the lucky ones that doesn’t live with such tragic consequences, live life of grief and constant public ridicule of why what were you doing.   The tirade of tone in your post was offensive.  Blaming mothers for their yoga and not teaching their kids to swim?  Are you serious? 

HOW dare you?  Who are you? Should we, the public care what you think?   No not really because any caring parent firstly wouldn’t  judge another but instead offer support to help the situation. You take digging the knives into others isn’t helping our cause of advocacy.  Life is a potential risk.    
Let me educate you on the real facts of the tragedy that could have unfolded in your back yard.

FACT:  20 seconds is all it takes for a child to drown. 

FACT: Most kids who drown over five years can swim or have had lessons. Even those under five too. Those that don’t are more often than not, not the ones drowning.   In the past two years children over Eight who have died have been Swimmers who DROWNED.  Good Swimmers, Olympic Swimmers and Divers have drowned.   

FACT:  Coroners in Australia have only ever recommended Supervision and Compliant barriers to prevent drowning and have never questioned swimming lessons or the ability of a victim.  

FACT:  With so many who do swim, can swim and have drowned, the only conclusion you can possibly equate is that swimming doesn’t save lives if it did why do swimmers drown? 

FACT:  Swimmers drown because they are unskilled.   Even the best of Olympic and competition swimmers in open water ways have become troubled in water and died.  Nothing can equip you for every possible scenario in water but yes teaching kids just to get out of the pool is a bit unrealistic as well its not about getting out its about SURVIVAL.  

FACT:  your house is probably more than dangerous than you care to even contemplate.   Poisons in unlocked cupboards, televisions on furniture, blind cords, the list goes on including the family care.  Kids can be killed in any part of the home. 

I find your expectations of a child all of eight years to be unrealistic.   A child may know the rules, be trained in all the emergency procedures but I’d like to inform you that when kids are tested in times of dangers THEY FORGET.  Adults forget too.  Dear Anonymous do you know CPR?   Can you do it effectively when under stress with a dying child in front of you?   It may be a mean and nasty question but its fact because this is what is faced with many of us who try and save our own child.  CPR doesn’t always work either there are no guarantees in life.

You expect every child to know how to swim, not climb a fence, not be adventurous and not get into mischief at your house?   What were you doing inside the house if she was outside?  This would be a police question.  One I was asked and so were many other parents.   If kids can’t be adventurous in house how sad for your children.  And even sadder is that this little girl can’t come back to your house to play and have social interaction with friends, your child.    How awful.   I sincerely hope you told your child that her friend can’t come to play because her friend can’t swim.   Get over yourself, you cant be serious? How petty.   That would be like me saying to my children’s friends you can’t come here because you can’t horse ride, ride motorbikes, quad bikes or pat the cows because they aren’t farmers or have never been on a farm.  What about life experience Dear Anonymous? 
  
There are some very sad accidents in life and I am sure having read many of the parent’s comments to your post that they too are seething at you.   Im just annoyed at your naivity.   Mothers have a hard job at best, yet just like the other debates across mummy blog world breast vs bottle, natural vs caesarean, vaccinate or no vacs the list goes on you have segregated a community of mothers who are unable to have their children taught to swim.   Many would want their children to swim. It’s not a can’t matter,  its unable.  These mothers respond with other safety precautions and they too, have my support.

Yes swimming is a skill for life and I agree. Think about those who you criticised.  A mother in a wheelchair raising four kids and a husband who travels.   Do you offer to support this mother and help her in the water at the pool?   Don’t think so.

A mother who is raising three children, two severely austistic.  Water is an attraction to autistic children and these mothers have a hard time just getting two hours sleep let alone fight with their children in the pool with an instructor and end up having an overstimulated child who doesn’t sleep afterwards making for a ‘shitty’ night. Only to have to do it all again next week to suit your opinion that they are lazy parents.  They are not lazy at all.  These mothers don’t put their kids in harms way they go way above it to avoid it.  

Those mothers just trying to keep a roof over their childrens head and food on the table.   Seriously you dont  live their lives so stay out of it, look after you own life Its not perfect by any means.  

Just because Dear Anonymous you want every child to swim isn’t realistic.  There are children too who can’t swim because they too are disabled, have a medical condition which doesn’t allow them to be in water because it’s too dangerous.   Would you expect a child of eight who had over 40 seizures a day to learn to swim?   Do you know how dangerous that is not only for the child but for the instructor (with two other kids in their class) too. Would you have this child visit your home?  Are your prepared for this too?     

Unrealistic expectations is what you have Dear Anonymous.    How sad our world has become.  Such a pity that the anonymous’ out there life, live in their perfect bubbled worlds and aren’t very charitable towards others.

Sadly when a child drowns Dear Anonymous I can hear your posts now that the poor mums are to blame. Give mothers a break.

Feel free to contact Hannah's Foundation, a registered charity to support drowning victims and their families and who provide valuable community education to prevent drownings.

Kat Plint

 

 

Drowning: the inbetween Life and Death Victim survivor - a Mothers story

Yesterday I received a letter via email from another mother, Evelynne(Name changed) who shared with me the most personal details of her five year old daughters drowning in 2012. She has asked me to share it.

I'd like to thank Evelynne for her words and recall of this all too common tragedy in the backyard pool.

Drowning, when reported in the media has usually two outcomes for the general public; Dead or alive.  On many occasions children are in the Intensive Care unit fighting for life and the media never report the 'inbetween' aftermath.

Today my blog post focus' on the "inbetweens". Those victims who have and did drown and/or die,  only to recover (or be revived) and be alive.  However these victims, usually children, now live with disabilites and/or medical conditions that impact on their everyday life and their families.

Hannah's Foundation currently has 17 children aged between two years and 27 years(drowning at 15) who live with a multiple range of many medical conditions and disabilities caused by drowning. Sadly the most severe of the inbetweens will lose their lives to the injuries that were caused by them drowning. The Foundation has supported over 27 families who have had children survive only to die with weeks, months or years afterwards.   These families too matter because most often than not their stories arent told.  Many families just aren't able to tell their stories because its too painful and they live in fear of THAT day that changed their lives.  To all these families our support, hearts and love are with you all.  Evelynne's story is just one of the many drownings that happen every year. 

Evelynne's letter shares the incident in which her daughter drowned before two adults and other children in the pool. A good Level two swimmer, like many young victims, had somehow ended up on the bottom of the pool. It only takes a matter of seconds. Seconds count. The aftermath of a drowning affects everyone. The Parent, The Victim, others around them at the time, Emergency services, Doctors, Nurses and even police and those that are just too overwhelmed at the retelling of the story, its affects a whole community.  Drowning is a community issue that needs to be discussed.

Drowning is fatal. Drowning is living. But drowning too, is living with a life not as before. Life changes.    Just as this family as it does for many. I hope that the messages in Evelynne's letter can help educate on the risks around water, never be reliant on skills of children and always be alert with Supervision. As Evelynne stated in a subsequent email "If I hadn't of done CPR she wouldn't be here". Supervision, Barriers, Swim Skills and CPR save lives. In this case the Supervision and CPR saved a life but its not always like this. CPR is the last resort and Evelynne knows that her daughter was close to death. A drowning is a drowning. There is no who has it worse, who has it better. Whatever the outcome we must all live with the event and manage the guilt/burdens/grief/trauma and days ahead with honour and love from within.

Kat Plint
Founder Hannah's Foundation 

Evelynne's Letter:

Hi Kat,

After reading your blog on the Foundations website yesterday I felt compelled to share my story with you and to thank you for helping others.

In Dec of 2012 my kids and I were visiting a cousin’s house. I had given birth to my third child six days earlier and my older 2 aged nine and five decided they would go for a swim in the pool with their cousins. My Five year old had completed levels 1 & 2 in swimming lessons and she was confident in the water where she could stand. My cousin and I supervised the children, sitting only a metre or so from the pool. I looked down briefly to mix some formula for my newborn. It didn’t seem like i was distracted for long but in those few moments my five year old daughter lost her footing on the pool safety ledge and slipped silently and quickly beneath the water.  While jumping in and out of the pool my nine year old son and his eight year old cousin spotted her on the bottom, they dove to pull her up and surfaced calling my name frantically. She was blue, foaming at the mouth and nose and was lifeless. She wasn’t breathing. The world stood still. I scrambled to find a safe place to put the baby and I then grabbed her lifeless body. I laid her down beside the pool and began to breathe into her mouth doing CPR. After multiple cycles of CPR and compressions my daughter finally took a breath, vomited and opened her eyes.  I will never forget this or the smells.

Her eyes were eerily glassy and I didn’t know if she was going to be ok.  The ambulance officers arrived but her oxygen levels were very low. I had to keep her conscious, but all she wanted to do was close her eyes and go to sleep.  We soon arrived at the hospital where she was admitted. She had fluid and vomit on her lungs and her oxygen levels needed to be monitored as they kept dropping. Somehow though, through the grace of God or whatever powers were looking over us that day.  Whilst no permanent damage is visible there are learning disabilities as she has started school.  These will need support as she grows older and we are thankful that we have our little girl back. 

I, in no way claim to know what you or anyone else who has lost their child to drowning is going through but I do know that the scene of seeing your child like that is one that haunts me every day. I am forever panicking about where my children are, whether the toilet door is open or closed (for fear that my little one will fall in head first and drown), wondering when something else is going to happen, constantly fearing that I will lose a child because I wasn’t attentive enough - just like I wasn’t that day.  Life just doesn’t seem the same. Things that were once fun to do as a family, turn me into a panicking, not so fun mum, worrying about every possible hazard. I feel like I’m suffocating my kids but I don’t know how to stop it. I get frustrated when people don’t seem to understand how urgent the situation was that day and how quickly it all unfolded before us. All they see is that she is here and just can’t understand why I am the way I am. I been told to 'get over it' and that I have to 'move on'. But I can’t. I just can’t. My mind won’t let me.

Thank you for reading my story and understanding it.  Please share my story so that others who live in fear like we do every day can find comfort that they aren’t alone.  Maybe reading my story or others like yours could save lives.  

Kind Regards
Evelynne

Surely it's not that time again?

So it is August. The weather is nearing fine from the coldest winters in Australia and recent storms to our perfect weather of today of sunshine, warmth and the Australian way of life... Spending it near, on or around water. I fear the inevitable now because it's that time again. It is time for drownings. Totally preventable but sadly we will see the latest report out soon saying the sadness of statistics of all those families losses reduced to just numbers on a report page. How depressing.

Drowning and the subject of same has become a way of life. Everytime I take Harry out or his friends on our new farm I'm alert, I'm aware and obsessive (to the point of crazy) that they must stay within my sight and never go near the dams. I have life jackets on cued standby. Our Cattle dog Banjo, who is deaf, loves the water. We venture down to the dam on a walk and Banjo throws himself in it without thinking (after all he is a dog, albeit a deaf one) and gets all muddy, washy and intends on having fun. It's a dogs life afterall. I sit and watch my son and his beloved four legged friend having fun, chasing the ball, Banjo retrieving it and bringing it back for yet another round. Harry has four balls on standby if he loses one. In my mind I sit and ponder, alert as I am that something could go wrong. My heart rate is up, naturally. My son is around water. A natural water feature of mud, murky water and follage. All potential dangers. My mind races as I watch them. I jump at the first sign of the dog getting caught in the follage and breath a huge sigh when Harry says "He's okay mum he just dropped the ball". Hell I'm not dropping mine. My mind is alert, my heart is always in my throat, I'm always talking to Harry and he knows to always talk back and hes within 5m of me and the dams edge. He too is now water alert and on guard. He doesnt go in the water to retrieve the ball, that is what the dog is doing. He intelligently picks up a rock and throws it near a ball that is missing that Banjo can't see. he improvises. I sigh with relief. The dog sees the ball after the rock is thrown. I wonder how many kids would have just 'gone in' and got stuck and drowned. Harry knows better but he'd never be at the dam without either one of us. I sit back and Harry (all of aged 8 and beyond it) talks about those families who have had dam drownings and the messages we advocate. Harry is a little advocate with a soft heart and he gets upset when he speaks of those kids he knows so fondly. He tells me how he feels about loss and the loss of his sister and how he wishes it was different. Harry was only 17 months old when Hannah died. He doesn't remember her which breaks all our hearts.

We walk back to the house and another day ends with dinner and a tired out deaf cattle dog. All ready to do it again tomorrow.

This is just one day, in our life as a family who has suffered a drowning, trying to live normally. Next it is swimming lessons privately with Di, swim lessons at school where I also volunteer to give the kids more one on one time and the education about breath holding and its dangers, the diving into shallow waters, talking to teens about drugs/alcohol and swimming at the same time, looking out for your mates and community events and speaking. Its warmer weather again and we are becoming very busy. I feel exhausted just looking at the calender. Its nearing October 4th, the anniversary is a dreaded, awful time ahead. It is yet another number in our life. This year the numbers are seven and ten. Seven years since Hannah died and her tenth birthday in December. Another life robbed life.

At a friends house I go into another meltdown and my heart is in my throat when the mop bucket is in the kitchen and her toddler is in the tv room. Another potential tragedy waiting to happen, so I just empty it. My friend is "Kat's lost the plot again". Its a common saying by many of my friends but until attitudes change nothing will change in the statistics. Drowning can happen to anyone not just those with dams or pools or those that fail to empty the mop bucket. We must, as parents be alert. If we care for children we also must be alert. Eyes on all the time, never faultering to a book, a text, facebook or having a nap. Water kills. Water is dangerous. It's time to get serious about how to save lives. My heart beats are overwhelming at times to the point I cannot speak (I'm sure many would love the silence). I am fearful of what the warmer weathers will bring. After all its what we do as advocates.

So I challenge anyone who reads this to think and ask themselves "How will I change my ways about water and children?"

How many of you have answered the phone when the kids are being bathed? Left the children alone to make dinner? Grab a towel? Walked inside to get something and left the kids alone in the pool or the backyard? Not fenced the house off from the dam? Propped open the pool gate? or removed a panel of your pool fence to fix it only to leave it til tomorrow? or left your little one in the care of an older sibling? If anyone says "shit.... I've done that" Take note. My life could be yours. My crime was not supervising Hannah on the verandah of our house, where she had clear access to a chair and our pool fence whilst changing the nappy of our son Harry. The rest is historically painful. Drowning only takes a split second and it takes 30 seconds to drown and to lose brain function. A whole two minutes is what it takes to die. Forever. Gone. No second chance.

Life is about choices and actions. As Parents, our actions are contributory to safety and we must all be alert, be wise and be on guard, always thinking about safety. It is not just about water either. Cars in driveways, televisions or cupboards falling over, hot water in the kitchen, blind cords, window screens the house hold list goes on for the potentional dangers that can kill our children.

I urge everyone, every parent and carer to always be safe because life is too precious. I am dreading this warmer weather because of what I know, what I have seen and what I can forsee coming. I hate the latter. I want to prevent it. So does our son, so does every family ever touched by tragedy.

Please Supervise children always, never leave them alone, never prop open the pool gate, never leave them in the bath, never swim in murky waters without a life jacket, empty the mop bucket, teach kids about water and the dangers, yes by all means teach them to swim but remember SWIMMERS DO DROWN, SWIMMERS CAN DROWN and learn CPR, whilst its the last end of life saving its something. I just pray as a parent that no other parent ever has to try and revive their child after two minutes in a cold pool. No parent should lose a child. EVER.

Kat Plint
Advocate and Mother of Five

The crazy, irrational parent at swim lessons after tragedy.

Thursday, October 10, 2013
The crazy, irrational parent at swim lessons…… What happens after tragedy?
This is a very personal article. A common question with many parents I talk to is when to start lessons for our other children after the loss of our child or when to put the child who experienced a non fatal drowning back into the pool? There is no right time or wrong time because it’s personal.

For me, the one who experienced the fatal tragedy the sound of water, the smells, the cpr (the failure of it), the visions of finding Hannah in our pool, the contemplation or small thought of having to put Harry(16 months at the time) into lessons scared the absolute crap out of me. I couldn’t let him out of my sight. I couldn't TRUST anyone with him, least of all myself. My husband Andrew bathed Harry for about ten months after Hannah drowned because the sounds of water splashing, him being in water and the fear of him drowning was, to most, irrational but for me this was real. It was so real panic attacks were daily for months and still happen today. Drowning happened on my watch. The skills taught to Hannah didn’t save her, my CPR for 17 minutes was fruitless and the whole picture in a nutshell just sucks and went horribly wrong. This whole question tore me to pieces for three years. In my heart I knew I had to have him taught, but there was no way I’d be in the pool with him like we were with Hannah. For me the whole process and regime had to be the same as my other kids. Hannah was the only child out of my five to be taught with us in the pool from her early ages. I never did that with my other children.

When Hannah died I hated, loathed and negated the industry of swimming lessons. I had valid reasons too. I believed as a parent that her skills would save her, i never left her alone in water, she was always supervised in water and our pool was fenced. (That’s a whole new article). Hannah climbed a chair, most girls climb objects as opposed to boys, boys are more likely to ram through gates/panels like tip trucks to enter water, girls tend to problem solve the access. I can name more girls using objects than boys over the last six years and one boy the rest just scaled through fences that were broken etc.

So what does a parent like us do when faced with the scenario of having our other child/ren put into lessons? For me, I fear it because I didnt trust it, it had failed me. I needed to have ‘something’ restored in my trust. It was hard to find.

I went searching and it is no secret that we sought out the regime of Infant swim. WHY? Because we believed in it, saw it, watched it painfully (through the emotional heartache of reliving Hannah’s death, smells of chlorine and the sounds)for four days and felt it was the right decision for us. Others dont like it, the industry hates (says its apparently too traumatic for children)(I disagree, Harry isn’t traumatised by it in fact its quite the opposite for us) it but for us as one of those parents it was the only option for us.

For two years and a half years Harry was without that loving pool splashing water familiarisation at home. After all we had no water anywhere for him to play in. The pool was gone, the pig pens were blocked off, not one person could get to a source of water. Every time he touched water, my heart raced, my panic attacks would stop me in my tracks, I struggled to breath, my heart pounded my chest (one time the Doctors thought Id had a heart attack) a few times I needed medical attention and yet we were expected to do this because it was necessary. It tore me every day, I cried uncontrollably at the concept. There was limited support from the industry to get me to trust it again. I felt disheartened, confused and tormented. Swimming in our family use to be fun and it brought us together, our children thrived in the sport but now it was daily torture.
The traumas which are ongoing from that fateful day are cold water, vomit, smell of chlorine, screams, Hannah's face, her lifeless body facedown in the water, the sounds of Harry screaming in his highchair, the abandonment felt at the hospital and afterwards the blame all come flooding back.
The nightmares after six years have every so slighty subsided but the panic attacks are still there, in summer they are at their worst. Every parent I have ever met experiences this in some way or form. This is what is different about the two groups of parents. If your child dies you get rid of your pool, if your child survives you keep the pool. Nearly all of the parents I know bar 7 I know have removed the pool from the house and stayed in the very house where there little one was taken. We are one of these parents. I hate my house.

To contemplate putting Harry into swimming let alone let him touch water came about after speaking to Justin Lemberg at Goodna pool after a tragedy. We had supported his staff and provided a Professional Counsellor to attend and basically she helped us all. It was now time to learn to TRUST and the industry had to earn it.

Harry was invited to spend a few lessons with a few different teachers at Goodna but my heart sank when he was in the water and it didn’t feel right. Not because what they were doing was wrong it wasn’t, the anxious feeling that something could happen was just too hard for me as a mother. Harry panicked in the water too because he felt my fear, the teachers knew my fear. I have the utmost of respect for those teachers who take us parents on, it’s a bloody hard job you face in view of our tragedy. In the end the few lessons he had my husband had to take him. My husband was the only one I trusted with Harry and our older adult children went along for moral support. Everyone had to supervise him I said.

We rang many other teachers explaining the anxieties and the lack of trust. I personally had to find that trust in someone to teach Harry to float, roll over, be able to get out of the pool and leap forward into his swimming ability. We found that trust in Richard in Sydney and the costs were enormous for us but ever so worth it.
Richard and his wife Rochelle were ever so patient with me as a panicked parent on the side of the pool, he answered my questions and they sat with me whilst Harry did his two week intensive training. Harry had a blast and loved it, wanted more time in the pool, didn’t want to leave. For ME, it was the best thing I could have done but it was painful. However seeing Harry fun had reminded me of Hannah in the water and the fun times we had.

Other parents struggle to find such instructors with the understanding and patience that dealing with an anxious/irrational parent of child who drowned experiences. Richard challenged me in the water twice in 2008 only 4 months after Hannah drowned, then sadly I was attacked for speaking out on what I believed in and it’s been now five years and I haven’t ventured back into the pool. Now it’s truly tough. How does one get back in the water, trust it, believe in it and support it?

No one is wrong in this opinion, it’s about TRUST and what is best for YOUR children. After a tragedy that TRUST changes. Believe me its ripped me many times and Ive had many arguments with swim teachers over the past six years on their beliefs but really..... THEY ARENT living my life or my burden of tragedy or my fears. I doubt any teacher in the water is constantly thinking “this kid must not drown on my watch”? They have NO clue at all how life has been since Hannah died unless they too have a lost a child who could swim and they were a parent who knew CPR. No one has the right to even begin to question our rationale of survival after such an event. Not anyone, only ourselves.

I have sat with fantastic swim teachers along Harry and my goodness all these teachers are amazingly patient and truly remarkable. Ive cried, panicked, even walked out due to the uncontrollable anxieties but they have all continuously held my hand and 'mothered' me back with Harry. To Richard, Rachelle, Keryn, Di L, Justin L, Di W you all are just truly amazing teachers and you know I can’t thank you all enough. I can say without a doubt it’s not how you are trained but how an instructor relates to a client and that is the biggest challenge. This is now a case of WE need the industry not the industry needs us. Parents could easily walk away and not have other children engaging in water familiarisation. We could choose the opposite but many of us don’t.

For months my psych team were encouraging me to desensitise to water and the fear. Its bloody hard work and I am never truly passed that 'fear' but over time (its been six years) I have learned to trust others with Harry in water. His teacher Di in Laidley is wonderful and having a non-chlorinated pool certainly helped me watch him, the Goodna Pool and Justin were awesome and now his school swimming and Keryn in her chlorinated unheated pool. Harry has every possible scenario thrown at him and he’s alive. It’s an awesome mix of environments that works for us. Everyone knows MY fear and they know Harrys needs. It’s also great now because at seven Harry will tell you if he isn’t comfortable or if he feels that a particular exercise in the water isn’t safe for HIM. After all this child knows drowning all too well. Other families are no different, their kids know just as much or witnessed their siblings tragedy. He is very water alert. He begs for a swim at the Uni Pool with his dad when it’s really hot, he has even asked us to buy another house with a different pool because he loves it. I’m still hesitant.

So, when a parent seeks support in the industry after a tragedy, here's my opinion and some advice.

Your first question to ANY parent should be “What are your experiences with water?”, simply put and it gives your ‘future’ client a chance to provide their story, if they have one. I’ve never been asked it but I can tell you Ive met more swim teachers who are daunted and hesitant by the reply “our daughter drowned”. They just simply don’t know what to do or say.
You should LISTEN our concerns, and trust me there are many concerns and they are real,
understand that anxiety and fears are no doubt a part of our daily life,
never tell them to get over it because they will never get over it,
be compassionate and show some empathy.
Dont ever tell a parent that they chose the wrong swim school for their deceased/injured child, seriously?
Don’t ever question the right of a parent to question your objectives as an instructor in the water. Yes, you have qualifications but that doesn't make TRUST instant in a traumatised parent. TRUST TAKES TIME. If a parent wants you to teach a particular skill, TEACH IT, after all they are paying you too. But most of all ask us how WE feel and how today is.
Provide the parent and their child a comfort zone and slowly take them out and not too fast, revisiting traumas is quite easy and you will simply lose client and then they will need more counselling. Not great for business. Not great for a charity who supports these parents.

I can recommend teachers and swim schools based on what I know, what Ive seen, who we talk too, what other members have said with their experiences after tragedies have torn our lives apart. There are a minute few that I would not even speak to let alone recommend because of their tirade of opinions sent to us when Hannah drowned and their constant criticisms of our opinions as parents and also advocates. I admit, I’ve lost professional respect for about six personnel in the industry and I do not wish to even spend time with any of them least of all hear their opinions that I no longer attend conferences because i find them offensive. The attitude of some in the industry really need to shape up. Parents need your help, their kids need your help and if you wish to keep business and get recommendations for new clients I need your help to help these parents and their kids.

So who hands up who wants an irrational, fearful, untrusting, crying, hysterical parent, who freaks out when their child is in water in your pool all because the very task in front of them has taken their other child? This is the question by many.

Probably no one is the answer. This is a serious issue for many families right now and it is ever so frustrating. The task to desensitise to water is a huge step for those children who are also traumatised by their survival. Ever asked a parent what experiences a child has had upon enrolment? Ever asked yourself why little Mary hates water? Why little Jack cant jump in feet first? Ask your clients what their history or association with water has been and if there are any factors that you, as an instructor needs to know. The first answer I give an instructor is we have suffered a drowning, Harry heard it all. This must be confronting for a teacher surely? Along with our grief, the burdens faced every day, the very skills we want to trust doesn’t offer us much comfort. Any instructor needs to address the compounding issues of Psychological trauma and fear that right now only our doctors can assist with. Yet another tragedy that an industry can't support us because they fear parents like us.

Remember: SUPERVISE IS NUMBER ONE! Face up first, feet first in inland water ways and always wear a life jacket, ensure your pool fences comply and are always maintained because we know the rest has failed. There are no guarantees in life, we know, we live it every day without our children.

6 years and nothing has really changed

Six years on the 4th October since we lost our beloved little Purple Princess Hannah. Some things have changed but really the few things we wanted to change havent. This disappoints us because so many have died and we have tried diligently to change the statistics that sit before me on my desk.

Legislation in Qld, NSW, SA and soon Victoria have changed somewhat. Qld is the best by far along with WA which changed Pool Legislation years ago. Laws are needed for safety and some laws were in place but just never enforced.

There are days on the grief and yet public advocacy journey where I sit back in my chair and think "what the hell am I doing this for? no one listens". The Truth is people don't or simply choose not to. Drowning won't ever happen to them you see they are the lucky ones. It's a false sense of security believing that something won't happen when in reality shit does happen and to good honest people.

With National Day coming up drowning prevention still struggles to get the attention it deserves. Nationally on tv and radio there are sporadic mentions of safety but not a lot. Hannahs Foundation isnt in a financial position to advertise on expensive television time slots so its social media to the rescue. Hitting twitter, facebook and others promoting in forums the message is only being minutely heard.

A massive thanks goes out to Craig Lowndes from Red Bull Racing who retweeted my post on National Day and our media release. Thanks so much Craig you are a champ. This also made the day of Kelly Taylor, who this week reaches her third year without young son Jaise. Jaise loved the V8s and Holden so the retweet gave a greiving mum a 'pick me up'.

Kelly has been a staunch public advocate in NSW for Pool safety and deserves every bit of recognition for her passion, after all we love our children, thats why do this. There are very few parents really putting themselves out there like Kelly. Whilst we have done it for six years its not easy behind the scenes we are emotional, crying, frustrated grieving wrecks of parents who have lost a child.

Drowning prevention is the "cancer of water". It kills but without a cure only prevention. It's as simple as that. No warning. No time for goodbyes. However to prevent this horrible destructive death that takes so many and tortures so many families there are simple preventatives:

1. SUPERVISE everyone in and around water
2. BARRIERS - Pool fencing, ensuring your barriers are maintained, dont prop open the gate and leave it open on purpose, its meant to self close
2a BARRIERS on the water: Life jackets and EPIRB, two most critical pieces of boating and water equipment ever needed. Wear the Jacket and Make sure your EPIRB is within reach incase of capsize or emergency. GPS is even better for emergency crews to find you.

These two measures above are the ones to prevent you from drowning. the next two I am not an avid campaigner of but others are. Statistics tell us that swimmers drown and CPR is only effective in 1.9% of drowning cases so the message is clear. TRY Not to drown because the odds of making it are pretty, well slim. These are facts.

3. YES Water familiarisation, know how to swim but realise that your ability and strength can be overpowered by water, make positive choices around water sadly swimmers do drown but in older kids and adult it can help to float
4. CPR

Six years on and nothing has changed, the stats go up, the messages arent being heard and yes this makes us bitter. We want it to change. The Federal Government needs to help prevent such needless deaths on our shores and backyards. Better support services would make a huge difference to those left in the aftermath.

All I can hope for this National Day is that someone listens and someone is possibly saved through hearing the social media messages.

Please listen and share our messages so that no one needs to locate the support services through Hannahs Foundation and live the life that over 970 of our members do. We are truly grateful for the supporters and donors who continue to help us but sadly more is needed. If only is a question I ask myself often. If only.

Drowning kills over 300 every year, injures over triple more and water accidents through spinal injuries and boating accidents are also of great concern. Australia should care about Drowning after all our nation is surrounded by water and our tourism people promote it but it isnt without the dangers that looms if you are unaware! So raise awareness and save a life, that is what needs to change.

One less, it must be December?

It’s that time of year again, shitty December. Apart from May and October I really do loathe December. The party month we use to call it, Hannah’s birthday on the tenth and that led into the massive swells of parties for her friends and of course who could forget Christmas. Hannah was the party Queen, anyone who ever met her will tell you that. Her very first party was on the 26th December 2007, only three weeks old and she was awake the WHOLE time and never took her eyes of Uncle Damien. Oh the memories of that day. Hannah’s attitude to parties was eat lot of smarties, drink lots of bubble and crash on either dad or mum’s side of the bed in exhaustion. Who could argue. Hannah certainly lived in her life and we are very blessed for it.

December feels like the road to hell. That downhill screamer. Kind of like a hangover that won’t go away but you haven't touched a drop of alcohol. The constant pain in my head, the loneliness in my aching heart. Every shop I enter I just want to yell and scream. During the year “I’m fine” but come Mother’s Day, Hannah’s Anniversary and her birthday I am a disastrous mess even though I am silent. December, I find is the month that reminds me of my constant One less. If only.

Someone asked me last week “What do you want for Christmas Kat?” I could sense their excitement with such a young family but I found myself screaming inside saying “What the F*ck do you think I want for Christmas?” I answered and faked a smile "Id love family for Christmas" their answer in reply was about gifts, presents and a holiday they are planning and not once was my response acknowledged, in fact they ignored it with gusto.

So many of our ‘old’ friends too have forgotten that we are ‘less one’ at Christmas, less one with one bum missing on a seat at the Christmas dinner function, one less pool in the yard to enjoy (it’s gone) and one more trip to the cemetery to say “we miss you more than ever”. Many old friends have gone from our lives too, they didn’t understand our consumed intense grief and nor did they try to understand it or the battles that we faced internally to fight for change. I didnt have the strength to help their grief, I struggle much with my own. I feel abandoned by these those who quit. I never quit on them during their hard times in their lives but come our daughter’s life, they quit within a year. This is the life I have now, it’s the best I have. If Only i could quit grief, wouldn't that be a thought?

This year though the cemetery visit won’t happen. The destruction of the grave site last week has gutted me yet again and I struggle with decision we face to fix and restore versus remove and replace. Can't a child rest in peace? I am depleted in all my being at having to again for the fourth time, rebuild a memorial. How many times must a family endure this? It’s cruel but true and I can be assured that the culprit will wake up with her family on Christmas and not give one thought to our pain that she has caused by destroying such a precious place in our hearts.

So what does one want for Christmas with One less?

A Christmas of love and family, that my grief would miraculously be cured (after all isn’t Christmas about some miracle?), that others would remember that Hannah still exists in our hearts and put her name on any shitty card that's been sent. I confess anyone who hasn’t put her name on a card gets put in the bin I don’t keep them, those that do are safely in her memory box for Harry when he is older, a time when the phone wouldn’t ring to say “there’s been another one”, or maybe someone could just pinch me and say ‘sorry Kat it’s all been a bad joke, here’s your daughter back’, or maybe the messages of Hannah’s legacy and others before and after her could be heard so that it doesn’t happen again? Wouldn’t that be nice, Zero drownings for Christmas or ever! WOW that’s my goal, but I am naive.

Christmas is a time for celebrating but many families who are feeling that ‘one less bum on a seat’ all struggle in some way, some don’t even celebrate it anymore. I know for two Christmas' we didn't as a family, just ignored the day and tried to move through it. I felt swamped during that time. Wouldn't it be lovely to be gifted a miracle this Christmas? I dream of a miracle to join our family everyday but it won’t happen. The miracle of a child has been denied to us and my heart aches at this time of year. Its normal yes but this normal I don’t like and nor should I have too. Harry our son said “Id love a baby brother or sister so I will just ask for a computer game”. How heartbroken is our boy? He is shattered, he longs for family and adores babies, he is such a kind hearted soul and so gentle, just like his dad.

So this Christmas when you are all opening presents, smiling, laughing, drinking and partying hard, spare a moment for those families, and yes selfishly ours, that they and us are not like you, we struggle to fake the smiles and laughter around those that have forgotten of our loss or the impact of severity it has taken on our family. Think of all those families missing a loved one at this time of year and spare a thought for those that will also lose one.

What I want for Christmas? No deaths, no heartache, no loss and no grief. If only. I live in hope.

Is it January yet?