One less, it must be December?

It’s that time of year again, shitty December. Apart from May and October I really do loathe December. The party month we use to call it, Hannah’s birthday on the tenth and that led into the massive swells of parties for her friends and of course who could forget Christmas. Hannah was the party Queen, anyone who ever met her will tell you that. Her very first party was on the 26th December 2007, only three weeks old and she was awake the WHOLE time and never took her eyes of Uncle Damien. Oh the memories of that day. Hannah’s attitude to parties was eat lot of smarties, drink lots of bubble and crash on either dad or mum’s side of the bed in exhaustion. Who could argue. Hannah certainly lived in her life and we are very blessed for it.

December feels like the road to hell. That downhill screamer. Kind of like a hangover that won’t go away but you haven't touched a drop of alcohol. The constant pain in my head, the loneliness in my aching heart. Every shop I enter I just want to yell and scream. During the year “I’m fine” but come Mother’s Day, Hannah’s Anniversary and her birthday I am a disastrous mess even though I am silent. December, I find is the month that reminds me of my constant One less. If only.

Someone asked me last week “What do you want for Christmas Kat?” I could sense their excitement with such a young family but I found myself screaming inside saying “What the F*ck do you think I want for Christmas?” I answered and faked a smile "Id love family for Christmas" their answer in reply was about gifts, presents and a holiday they are planning and not once was my response acknowledged, in fact they ignored it with gusto.

So many of our ‘old’ friends too have forgotten that we are ‘less one’ at Christmas, less one with one bum missing on a seat at the Christmas dinner function, one less pool in the yard to enjoy (it’s gone) and one more trip to the cemetery to say “we miss you more than ever”. Many old friends have gone from our lives too, they didn’t understand our consumed intense grief and nor did they try to understand it or the battles that we faced internally to fight for change. I didnt have the strength to help their grief, I struggle much with my own. I feel abandoned by these those who quit. I never quit on them during their hard times in their lives but come our daughter’s life, they quit within a year. This is the life I have now, it’s the best I have. If Only i could quit grief, wouldn't that be a thought?

This year though the cemetery visit won’t happen. The destruction of the grave site last week has gutted me yet again and I struggle with decision we face to fix and restore versus remove and replace. Can't a child rest in peace? I am depleted in all my being at having to again for the fourth time, rebuild a memorial. How many times must a family endure this? It’s cruel but true and I can be assured that the culprit will wake up with her family on Christmas and not give one thought to our pain that she has caused by destroying such a precious place in our hearts.

So what does one want for Christmas with One less?

A Christmas of love and family, that my grief would miraculously be cured (after all isn’t Christmas about some miracle?), that others would remember that Hannah still exists in our hearts and put her name on any shitty card that's been sent. I confess anyone who hasn’t put her name on a card gets put in the bin I don’t keep them, those that do are safely in her memory box for Harry when he is older, a time when the phone wouldn’t ring to say “there’s been another one”, or maybe someone could just pinch me and say ‘sorry Kat it’s all been a bad joke, here’s your daughter back’, or maybe the messages of Hannah’s legacy and others before and after her could be heard so that it doesn’t happen again? Wouldn’t that be nice, Zero drownings for Christmas or ever! WOW that’s my goal, but I am naive.

Christmas is a time for celebrating but many families who are feeling that ‘one less bum on a seat’ all struggle in some way, some don’t even celebrate it anymore. I know for two Christmas' we didn't as a family, just ignored the day and tried to move through it. I felt swamped during that time. Wouldn't it be lovely to be gifted a miracle this Christmas? I dream of a miracle to join our family everyday but it won’t happen. The miracle of a child has been denied to us and my heart aches at this time of year. Its normal yes but this normal I don’t like and nor should I have too. Harry our son said “Id love a baby brother or sister so I will just ask for a computer game”. How heartbroken is our boy? He is shattered, he longs for family and adores babies, he is such a kind hearted soul and so gentle, just like his dad.

So this Christmas when you are all opening presents, smiling, laughing, drinking and partying hard, spare a moment for those families, and yes selfishly ours, that they and us are not like you, we struggle to fake the smiles and laughter around those that have forgotten of our loss or the impact of severity it has taken on our family. Think of all those families missing a loved one at this time of year and spare a thought for those that will also lose one.

What I want for Christmas? No deaths, no heartache, no loss and no grief. If only. I live in hope.

Is it January yet?

Schoolies 2012 – Risk vs Reward

Schoolies time yet again. Gee that year went fast. Congratulations to all School leavers around the country.

Schoolies is just another time for young people to be free, let their hair down, drink alcohol, and undertake other risky behaviours. Just this week many witnessed in the media a young man aged 16 trying to attempt to swim across the mouth of the Maroochydore River and instead the cocky, ignorant an idiot of the young man nearly drowned. He also risked the life of two other people on kayaks and that of the surf lifesaver on a jet ski. Such behaviours are a concern when young people have no disregard or concerns for others around them or their safety. I am of the opinion that maybe Emergency services should bill these young idiots for their time and the high risks. He choose to undertake this risk, he was not in the safe zone of the red and yellow flags and had a blatant disregard for himself and others.

Alcohol, drugs, cocky attitudes added to having swimming skills and a young person's mind is only a formula for a fatality. I apologise to other young people who do have respect in the community, undertake charity work, volunteered to surf lifesaving, help the elderly and are really good people. However there are some, mainly men, who think that they are invincible to the laws of society, have disregard to the community and its people and their own safety. This blog is for you.

There are many teenagers who have been killed tragically through stupidity either by others or through their own actions and these stories need to be told. Drowning is one of the highest causes of death in young people aged 15 to 24 years and sadly most of these people were young men undertaking higher risk behaviours in water. Water and alcohol do not mix . Risky behaviours and water do not mix. Simply in this age group men and water don't mix.

If you are aged between 15 to 24 and are a young man you are at high risk of drowning. Tragedies such as boating accidents, swimming and inland waterways, swimming at night time in unpatrolled areas of the surf and rare occasion the backyard swimming pool. Last year Hannahs Foundation supported many families who have lost their young sons to tragedies in water and are still struggling to find the answers and accept their deaths. Having sat with mothers, fathers, siblings and grandparents at funerals, in their home, these families have been changed forever by the very actions that they educated to their sons but sadly their son never listened. Many of the parents that I tragically speak to are furious, upset, angry, because their sons knew better. Many were great swimmers. This is the hardest part of the young person's death to accept when all they had to do was make a better choice.

There are many aspects of safety that were not taken, forgotten, disregarded that took the lives of these young men. Safety such as WEARING a life jackets in inland waterways whilst boating, not drinking alcohol whilst undertaking a water activity, not diving into shallow water holes without knowing the water itself, not undertaking dares or risks from mates whilst intoxicated the list continues.

There is so much advocacy and public awareness campaigns on hooning, speeding, drinking and driving, texting while driving for young people yet there are no campaigns nationally to educate on the dangers of water. Young people don’t seem to be listening to the other messages either.

Water, risky behaviours add to that cocky attitudes only end in fatalities and this needs to stop. Too many of our young men, with lifelong dreams, girlfriends, futures, are being lost to silliness and a poor choice. Sadly many will no doubt read this and think “pfft, what would she know?”.

Well in fact I know a lot, I am a mother, a mother who has experienced the gut wrenching hole in my heart after losing one of her children. I have witnessed other mothers experience this very hole in the heart too. One that cannot be fixed. The loss of any young person is a tragedy and many mothers are just trying to stop it from happening to their peers through education.

I lecture and wrote the Hannah’s Foundation, Brandi Allen Positive Choices Program back in 2009. Since then over 2000 students have been educated on high risk behaviours. A highlight of this program is being contacted by a young person who says “I didn’t get into the car with my friend, thank you, I remembered what you said, my friend died”. Just saving one person might seem enough but its not. Losing a young person is a tragedy to our community and I beg you all you to just remember Stop, Think, Safety First, RETHINK IT.

STOP! Stop and really THINK, about what you are about to undertake, SAFETY FIRST is what you are about to undertake dangerous? Risky? Will it harm your or your friends? Then if SO, I beg you to RETHINK IT.

There is no reset button on life, once you are dead you are gone forever. A risky behaviour that is fatal is ‘unintentional suicide’.

As part of the Hannah’s Foundation Positive Choices Program for young people a person in the audience is sought to stand. That person is then asked about their siblings and parents and another people in the audience are asked to stand to represent each one. We then look at the extended family and friends and another person representing them will stand. Then we have a representative to form the role of the Ambulance Officers, Fire and Rescue, Life Savers and those bystanders/witnesses at the scene. We then select representatives who are the doctors, nurses and staff at the hospital who are also touched by your loss. Then several more are selected to represent the Police Officers who investigate your death.

When I lecture there is a great sense of involvement with the majority of young people volunteering for these roles. The last role that is selected is that of the Police Officers who will attend your parents’ home to tell them of your death. There are no volunteers, there is no laughter, and there is only silence. The school hall is now in deafening silence.

This is a role that my husband as a Police Officer of 27 years over time in General duties (11 years) has unfortunately had to undertake. He recalls telling a young person’s family this very message over 14 times in just one small region in Brisbane alone. He recalls every family, the screams of mum and the disbelief of dad. He is but only one of the selfless Officers in QLD out of 10,000 who will do this every day. COULD you be a policeman? Could you even imagine doing this at work? Many don’t.

I ask you all as young people to think of your mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, girlfriends, grandparents and friends, the impact on their lives without you in it.
Think about those selfless Emergency Services Personnel that will have to knock on your parents door and say “Im sorry Mr and Mrs * but your son * has been involved in an accident, I am sorry to inform that your child is dead”.

Imagine reading that last word ‘dead’, the scream from your mother, her legs collapsing, your father’s hands shake uncontrollably and he too collapses on the lounge chair in disbelief that you are gone.

Your siblings are now screaming too, yet two officers are sitting there helpless to do anything but console and then leave for another job, most likely the same or similar to this one.

Think about the Ambulance officers who so desperately will try and save you, knowing that their efforts are going to be futile but persisting all the same because they know that while they continue there is always hope. In many cases when they are making strong efforts to save you, in the back of their mind they are thinking of you, your family and their own and wondering what if?

When you think about your wider circle of friends outside your family, your school friends, sporting clubs and social networking and how much joy and pleasure you get from them and they from you. You may think that you are just one small part of that community but you are a very important to the centre of the community. One decision, one mistake, one error of judgement, one poor choice and that community will implode. By making a smarter choice you then become the centre pillar that holds and supports those around you. If you have ever underestimated your value just reflect back to an occasion where your friends have invited you to an event and someone hasn’t been there. Everybody’s comments is “you should have been there it was the best time”.

Today for many schoolies marks the end of their formal education. Through the coming years you will learn much by experience, make those experiences count and do not make those experiences your last.

Kat Plint can be contacted at Hannahs Foundation 07 5465 2000 or twitter @HFKatPlint

Media responsibility and safety messages

Media Release 2012

Pool drowning media footage sends wrong message


Hannah's Foundation, drowning prevention and awareness and advocacy group are concerned that media messages on recent pool drownings are sending the wrong message.

Andrew Plint, Founding Director and Licensed Pool Safety Inspector (Qld) said “Whilst it is pleasing to see a positive result after what could well have been a tragedy, it is vital to remember that this drowning would not have occurred if adult supervision and a compliant fence was in place.”

Mr Plint said “It is important to remember when articles like this appear in the media to highlight not only what has gone right (CPR) but what has gone wrong. It is through this combination of prevention messages in relation to drownings that we can help prevent further drowning tragedies.”

Kelly Taylor, Jaise’s Law New South Wales campaigner pleaded with Media to be extra careful when showing footage of drowning tragedies even in success stories.

Mrs Taylor said “On 23 October 2012 the New South Wales Parliament passed new laws in regards to the Swimming Pools Act and the footage shown on the media article was clearly in breach of this act”

Mrs Taylor said “Too many tragedies in backyard pools occur when supervision breaks down and a non-compliant pool fence or barrier is in place.  There are many potentially awaiting tragedies however in New South Wales with pools and their barriers that are non-compliant”

“I also want to congratulate the brother of this toddler on his quick thinking and his actions and commencing CPR on his little mate and saving his life.”

Mrs Taylor said “whilst this story may have looked as a feelgood story it is irrevocably painful to those who have not had a successful outcome and calls upon all media both in print and on television to band together and support the messages of supervision and barriers save lives’

She said “Jaise’s Law was passed for a reason and I'd like to see the message ‘Supervise with your eyes, not your ears, you won't hear drowning’™ and  “Don’t let your child drown in a non compliant pool” across all stations because sadly over the past eight weeks there have been deaths in Queensland and Western Australia and two other children on life support currently battling their medical complications caused by falling in a pool with non-compliant barriers”

The New South Wales pool safety campaign urges all media to get behind Hannah's Foundation and support their families and messages that the community in order to save young lives.

Mrs Taylor also calls upon the Minister Don Page MP, The Police Minister Mr Gallacher to urgently respond to the matter of non-compliant pool fences and drownings in non fatals and urges compliance of all pools prior 1992.  Every drowning irrespective of the outcome needs to be investigated by authorities by police and councils to ensure the safety of lives in children is paramount”

“The pool fence that I observed in the media in relation to this story was disturbing,  having lost a child and we can only learn from both this recent successful story and my own in Jaise’s loss to educate the public.  Non compliant pool fences and a breakdown in supervision is fatal”

Mrs Taylor said “I urge any pool owner in New South Wales, who has a young toddler, or has toddler is around them to urgently have their pool fences inspected and have them updated to the current pool safety standards irrespective of when their pool was constructed”

“A pool is a pool and every pool in New South Wales and across Australia requires a fence and every toddler in Australia deserves safety.  Your pool fence is your barrier it is your backup your second set of eyes when yours failed momentarily”

“Please support these messages because drowning tragedies of young children can be prevented with the right messages and the right public education and support.  Aussie kids deserve nothing less” She said.

Always around water:

Supervise every child and swimmer
Ensure Barriers are in place and compliant

For further comment please contact Kelly Taylor and Andrew Plint on 07 5465 2000

Think about this.... This story could be you, your friend, your neighbour

WARNING: This entry of my blog comes with a WARNING that it could be distressing to some readers. Please be cautious of its content about Child drowning.

If Australia is to get serious about drowning prevention as opposed to water safety we need to get back to the basics.

Supervision and barriers together will save lives.

Over the past five years having become a Water Safety Advocate not by choice, but by fate, through losing my own child through drowning the research I have been able to undertake in Coroner's Court, Public Awareness Campaigns, speaking to parents and general research has really raised my own opinion on how drownings happen.

Scenario:

A young toddler aged two fully clothed, shoes and socks enters a backyard through an open door which an older sibling has just come home through, through the laundry at his house, mum is currently in the kitchen making a sandwich, the toddler is exploring his surroundings. The toddler comes across something in the backyard. The toddler is approximately 60 cm away from a broken pool fence panel. The mother is unaware that the pool fence is broken. The toddler since the age of six months of age has been attending water familiarisation programs at his local swim school with mum once a week. Every Friday, religiously mum packs up the family car, the swim bag and heads off the fun and play in key games in the pool. Mum believes she is teaching her toddler about water safety. Only last week this toddler sitting in his swim nappy, and his goggles and swim cap was sitting on the side of the Pool. Upon a cued song with others around them this toddler then jumped into the water. Kicking and propelling himself into mum’s arms then with mum's instruction and again on cue from the instructor he then propels himself back to the side of the pool and then smiles and claps at his achievement. This is where last week's lesson will go horribly wrong.

The toddler is now at the pool fence with a gap of more than 10 cm he is able to fit through the bottom corner. It's only been 15 seconds since the toddler was out of mum sight. The next 20 will leave this family shattered forever.

As the toddler adventures through the cleared landscaping now heading for the water the lessons of last week will not kick in. The toddler is wearing a jacket, a T-shirt, a singlet, and nappy, a pair of corduroy jeans, shoes and socks. The toddler is now on his knees looking at the water. Most if not all toddlers at this stage will explore their environment this is what toddlers do best. The toddler sees a leaf in the water and his ball across in the middle of the pool. The toddler has now reached out with his hands. The next 20 seconds are the most crucial. There is silence still, no splashing, no screaming, nothing, not a sound. He is now fighting for life but in sheer silence.

Mum is now calling bub's name she can't hear him and she can't see him. there is 360 degrees from where mum is standing, which degree does she travel?

Thinking the pool is fenced there is no danger. Mum then ventures around the side of the house, the toddler is nowhere to be seen. Mum walks past(still not in panic) the edge of the pool and notices something in the water that is unusual as she walks close eye she notices it's actually her child. As she runs in a panic to the pool gate she realises the key is on the fridge in the kitchen she is unable to climb the gate not knowing how her child at this stage had entered the pool area mum is screaming and neighbours come running. One neighbour jumps the back fence into the pool area and grabs her son out of the pool. In a clear panic the neighbours start CPR by this time 3 min as already passed. Mum is now constantly screaming in a panic she is unable to move she is frozen with emotion and shock. Bystanders from neighbours assist the mother and trial and called 000.

This scenario is all too often happening in backyard swimming pools, Lakes, creeks and dams yet we are told that swimming lessons save lives. So what went wrong?

I’d like to give you my opinion and this has never changed in five years, I’ve written often on this very issue.

There are many factors that contribute to a drowning and they are never in isolation from each other.

1. supervision breakdown,
2. barrier breakdown,
3. breakdown in swimming skills or the ability to self rescue and survive, and
4. that CPR was unsuccessful. (And please when I say unsuccessful that does not mean failure. The fact that CPR was actioned, The fact that CPR was continuous is what you are meant to do. The fact that 000 was called and instructions were obtained. The fact is that CPR was administered by the local hospital as well as intubation and medications in a desperate attempt to save this young boy's life all were unsuccessful. No one failed CPR. CPR is the last line of defence in saving lives. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. More often than not in a drowning it will not.)

So what could have prevented this from happening?

We know that this young toddler had the skills to propel himself in the water, we know that he could turn around and reach the side of the pool, we know that he could hold his breath under water and turn around and again could reached the side of the pool and we also know that he could jump into the water willingly without fear. We also know that he was cued with instructions to do these very tasks. His lessons were fun, they were controlled, they were in a warm heated environment, yet when he drowned he was not cued, he had no one to tell him what to do, he could not he could not remember the action, and the water temperature was not heated. How tragic that his skills that he had only learnt last week had not been able to assist him. His mother wants to know why?

The pool barrier had not been maintained. Both parents work full time, rent the house, have three children, are regularly in the backyard, and were unaware that the bottom end of the back gate along the boundary fence had not been maintained. Again, the pool fence had not been checked the sometime either by them, their landlord, the agent or their council. How tragic that this could happen. Laws exist to ensure Pools comply for safety.

Supervision we all know is needed for young children. Homes, roads, shopping centres, parks, animal nurseries, anywhere where a young child resides, plays, or visits is a dangerous place. There are stories about dangerous laundries, bathrooms, lounge rooms, TVs, display cabinets, driveways the list goes on that can potentially be dangerous to children. Supervision is crucial in preventing accidents and injuries and also is the main first line of defence when preventing accidents and injury.

Many in the community would read the above story and would have instantly blamed the mother. I disagree, but then I am this mum too. The solid backup (second set of eyes) that mum needed on that day was a sound maintained and compliant pool fence could have prevented tragedy. It too failed. Its a proven, testified fact that over 85% of pool fences in Australia DO NOT COMPLY with safety standards. How bloody tragic!

Sadly I see this all the time too often in fact, it breaks my heart over again. Today, again we have those in the swimming industry saying learn to swim it'll save your life yet reading the above it tells a different story. It’s all we see in coroners court is the story above and never once have I witnessed nor undertaken the line of questioning of “why didn’t the skills kick in”.

If only the pool fence had been fixed, if it had of been known that it was broken the parents would have fixed it, if regular checks were in place, if the laws were in place to mandate that rental properties had compulsory pool fencing may be this tragedy could have been prevented.

The above scenario is WHY we have pool fencing laws and this is why there should be a mandatory inspection regime with professionals to check your pool fence. I urge every parent of a toddler with a pool to organise now a Pool Safety with a license professional who can certify your pool fence and issue you a pool safety certificate, anything less is not good enough.

I see too many of these scenarios in evidence briefs for a coronial inquest, please don’t let this happen to you. If you read this and ignore it you too could be living this mother’s life. A life of self- blame, public condemnation and suffering. PREVENTION and SUPERVISION and a COMPLIANT barrier are the only two steps to save a young child's life in any circumstance.

Rental properties, nationally equate to over 76% of all backyard pool drownings. This statistic is researched by Hannah's Foundation and was first calculated in 2009 after a cluster of drownings. I urge anyone who is a landlord, tenant or agent to read this and act immediately. Do an audit on your pools and check that they are compliant and maintained always.

Kat Plint
26th October 2012

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